2 eggs 1 pan

if god loved us we wouldn’t have to wipe

so if there's baby spinach that means... spinach... my man 😂🤝

i was put on this earth to love LCD Soundsystem

I just almost threw up laughing

if i had $1 for every time i finally remember to refill my prescription and the fucking pharmacy app is down i could afford to put a hit out on big cat Mr. Hy-Vee

wilco’s “i love my label” but it’s “i hate my neighbor”

seeing lcd soundsystem again this summer. in case you haven’t heard.

closed captions be like chef boy RD

Aliens bodies are probably different as hell. Or similar

old folks homes have to do annual active scooter drills

(also people don’t understand them and aren’t willing to learn)

PSA merging and roundabouts are not the problem, the problem is that they both rely on drivers going the speed limit and maintaining an appropriate distance between themselves and the car in front of them and none of you fucks are willing to do that

@twilightIuv3r i’m so glad you’re having such good days! but also i’d be so scared to pick up those crystals lol what if they are cursed!!!

I had two perfect days in a row

stfu i just found out they’re putting a chipotle IN MY WORK BUILDING. this is the best day of my life and the worst day of my bank account’s life

beatles and wilco haters are cowards

there’s a lot of drilling and hammering happening in a neighboring office so i have an excuse to have my door closed (all the way!!) all day

why mister? why is a 700 sqft house 319k 🥺

@jacksonbunz minus the tragedy

@jacksonbunz black titanic would be so sick

never really understood the uproar over movies getting remade with characters as different races bc ive always believed that there should be multiple versions of every movie for different races black titanic filipino wizard of oz mexican jaws cmon

if you believe someone is limited to the mistakes they made in their past, you should probably leave the arts alone and pursue your true calling, a job in law enforcement.

coworker just told me they’re planning on replacing our office furniture at work and i’m having a bit of a meltdown about it. almost genuinely fearing psychosis. these people are really not going to like me if they try to take my furniture. i will do everything but quit