bloo 💙

#plural #pluraltwt #systwt #systemtwt #didtwt #osddtwt #didosdd > system talk/disability/mental health account. always looking for folks who primarily discuss similar subjects! > feel free to ask for clarity on anything here. borpygoo.straw.page

"this would be really cool for systems", i thought, moments before i realized i may have forgotten how being a system works

period so suspiciously late that a friend suggested the last time i had (phone) sex — over a year ago by now — actually got a specific headmate pregnant, but the pregnancy only progresses when that headmate fronts, which is not often. cracking this case wide open

shoutout to the counsellor i told "i know you're not supposed to be on screens before bed, but playing minecraft is the only thing helping me fall asleep right now" and she went "then do it? sleep hygiene doesn't work for everyone". that was exhilarating

i tried all of that shit and followed it for an extended period and doctors & counsellors treated me with skepticism when i said it does not work for me. as though i wasn't trying hard enough or not really sticking to it. and it doesn't even fucking work??????

i've just learned that there's little to no evidence that "sleep hygiene" is effective for insomnia. i'm unlocking new reasons to be bitter about my ex counsellor who pushed it on me like it was the gospel

when something unlucky happens to your magical-thinking prone friend who is already unkind to themself and youre like fuuuck please don't internalise this

i knew what i'd discussed in our latest session but still i kinda thought she'd be more vague than she was. just airing it out on my chart dude!!!!!!!!!!!! wild

the 1st progress notes my counsellor wrote that i can actually read was really funny to me. "struggling with trust & vulnerability" "LOL TRUE" gleefully opened the notes from our last session but it was like "client disclosed [CHILDHOOD ABUSE DETAILS]" and i went ooh shit. LMFAO

missed the bus i booked to pick me up for an incredibly stupid reason i firmly believe is their fault & had to walk home crying in pain. said to my dad something i dont even remember now about not living a normal life and genuinely hurt my own feelings 💀

i think it is very sad that so many people beg for help while they’re actively being traumatized as children and no one takes it seriously until they’re adults and it’s too late. like why did no one believe me back then and why is it only different NOW

@rayofshadow7 ty :3 i'm doing a thousand times better rn

absolutely insane thing related to my childhood trauma has happened a week before my next counselling appointment and i want to talk to someone about this but a) it's like "level 500 of friendship" information and b) i don't want to make anyone uncomfortable discussing it ahhhhhh

okay i say this but i just imagined a hypothetical scenario in which i drink to deal with today and i brightened

heh why would i need to get drunk when i have: the kind of dissociation that makes you real dizzy & unable to process language

it's always so freaking embarrassing when we're like this cause we get so out of it that we're on automatic mode and not really comprehending things in full

actually going to preemptively apologize to anyone we may interact with ever in the next couple weeks or so cause i feel like the whole issue from this morning is gonna have us a tad nonfunctional 💀

@atlasm0m3nts lol i had an unfortunate irl situation + JUST saw that person's posts since our conversation and these things combined have me in a weird defence mode i fear. everybody needs a break 😭

@borpygoo it’s ok it seems like everyone is just having a hard time lately. idk if it’s the moon or what.

idk why people keep engaging with that person when it’s really obvious they are being disingenuous and only agree and apologize to make you shut up and then go back to being an asshole and bullying random people

@atlasm0m3nts yeahh, that makes sense. genuinely sorry for interpreting it the way i did then cause reading this over in full a couple times i feel like i wound up being presumptuous in multiple ways that weren't fair

@borpygoo people continued to try to have a conversation with them about accusing me of not having any trauma and were specifically trying to defend me

@atlasm0m3nts ahh i understand that more, my bad for misinterpreting 💙 i've been incredibly spaced out all day so i'm not really reading well 💀

@borpygoo the key word is “keep engaging”. as in continue to after they have proven they are not interested in having a conversation. which isn’t what you did

@atlasm0m3nts of course idk who this is about but since i did this, i very much know and mostly wanted to speak to them just to have tried before blocking them myself. i didn't really lose anything except time i probably would've spent scrolling twt anyway

thanks for trying to defend me i guess but atp you’re just wasting time if you’re really trying to have a civil conversation

💙 (host who is not allowed to know things): might learn things about us through this. trauma history wise. [DID equivalent of "several people are typing..."] 💙: Okay I Won't I Won't I Won't Sorry

really funny that typing out that thread and speaking in a particular way had us like "oh, this is who we primarily are rn. ......wait, why are YOU driving the bus?" 🖤 why the fuck AM i driving the bus