Brest Fiend

Practice safe sex so you'll be prepared for danger sex

👀 sciencealert.com/scientists-hav…

I change my own oil and my car's too

Thank God it's Fried Egg Friday

I can't believe tomorrow is white Saturday already

Don't forget to look both ways before crossing your eyes and dotting your tees

@xxes4eyes That's it!

@brestfiend Happiness

I feel like I'm supposed to buy something but I don't know what

On shanksgiving you just know a turkey gonna get stabbed

Where did you guys learn to tweet? Did you have a scholarship?

Happy Ingenious People's Day!

Honestly, I think Darth Vader should have been paying child support that whole time

Take time out of your busy night to tell a total stranger that you love them while they sleep and stroke their hair too while you're at it

Jimmy crackhead and I don't care

Just a ton of people wondering around. That's what life is all about.

When I take a dump, people notice

I never should have married my dad

Please don't correct my grammar. She's just a sweet old woman. Please leaf her bee.

@illegit_tomasi @Brian92282745 Better then none, I assume

It's interesting to think about the fact that there are roughly the same number of people in the world as there are testicles

There are drugs to help you quit drugs if you don't want to take drugs

@aronsaidwhat Much better

@brestfiend Sausage and ice cream.

So who exactly is doing all the thanksgetting?