slice

Been calling our buddy Dave “Wiener Dave” ever since we found out he has a wiener

Planning on maintaining an erection later if you wanna stop by

With a dislike button I can finally let me know exactly what I think of me

dune 3 is only the "epic conclusion" because they're too scared to make a movie that's just two straight hours of a sandworm arguing with jason momoa

@hunternicole yessssss

@sliceofheck They should make a season of White Lotus but it's set in Jurassic Park.

They should make a Jurassic Park movie where all the dinosaurs and humans get along and the park runs just fine. I’m tired of this

Cobra’s evil plan in the next G.I. Joe movie should be to gently pull the good guys’ torsos up from the waist and then snip that little black rubber band that holds them together with cuticle scissors

I’ve never had sex with my wife and I resent the implication

@NaemiHan But there’s mushrooms and shit

@sliceofheck Ffs dude has his own world

The next Super Mario game should include a button that just makes Mario sit down and start weeping because it’s been 40 years of this shit and he’s a very old man

Court stenographers have so much finger strength I saw one peel back the perforated steel matting of a runway with their bare hands. And then they were rightfully charged with domestic terrorism

@Xcrementtalker No that part will be cool

@sliceofheck I don’t envy you having to actually touch yourself and rub that off.

The guy who dyes my pubes green for St. Patty’s Day doubled his prices and stained my shaft

Time for people who are 2% irish to be 100% assholes

@artbypiche Do I have to report this on my taxes

@sliceofheck I knew your bullshit would go viral someday im so proud of you

‘“People have finally discovered the terrible truth: dinosaurs never existed. We made the whole thing up, just so we could sell dinosaur related merchandise, and now Big Dino Incorporated is the most hated company in the history of the world.”’ noahgrim.com/that-time-i-ma…

Got stuck in a lift with Paul McCartney once and he told me Sgt. Pepper's first name was Jalapeno.

@21TCar I just film them having sex

@sliceofheck What are you doing to them? Birds are chill.

@21TCar I don’t

@sliceofheck Right! birds are dinosaurs, and we seem to get along pretty well with them

@Spelt_D_o_n_a_l Sex crimes

@sliceofheck Jurassic Park series but it’s a Gentle Ben/Skippy/Flipper-style show about how the Park Keeper’s highly intelligent child is best friends with one of the velociraptors, and they go around solving crimes together.

@baearthor Yeah the entire series is just this meme

it's wild that the Jurassic World movies take place in the same canon universe as the original Jurassic Park(s) like all that shit happened irl and they were still like "no, i still think a real life dinosaur zoo has potential, we just need more private equity investment"

@Elias92905563 Now you’ve got my attention

@sliceofheck Jurassic Park but the dinosaurs run a park with humans as attractions