Brian Faas

Remember when Jenna Fischer said she fell in love with John Krasinski while filming The Office and when he was asked about it in an interview, he was like, “No. I was acting.” Classic Jim and Pam!

that’s my man ……. hot damn

he’s hot but if he doesn’t do something silly every 15 seconds he’ll explode

I have gay guy kennel cough :/

The year is 2028. You’ve been off Lexapro for 3 years and finally have abs. You pay $800/yr for TSA Life+, which promises your plane won’t crash. Your Turkish hair transplant went awry and you wake up every day with a bloody scalp. Your son is illiterate. Life is good.

does anyone know the password to my work computer? or how to do my job?

leave moo deng alone! #SNLPremiere

You’re telling me I’m paying nyc rent prices just to be on the same tectonic plate as Philly and Boston? I’m feeling sick

“The State of the Union? Which state?!”

@youranalogbuddy They say that but show up at 2:30 and you’ll be sitting in lobby for an hour while the maid finishes. It’ll feel like 🎶 you can never leave 🎶

@thekatesisk Ours don't fit in our salad-sized dishwasher. Thanks, Pottery Barn!

@popphits 🧂 🔥 youtu.be/t2jUUbsZQQk?si…

Saltburn. (2023)

@doo_kee and

@brian_faas yes

Was I on Grandma’s Ashes, I honestly can’t remember

From now on, I’ll be measuring time in Padams. My morning commute: 13 Padams. The live-action Little Mermaid: 48 Padams. How long til Memorial Day: 21,600 Padam Padams (on repeat)

@MatthewRubano It’s actually my bougie grocery store in Williamsburg (garbage brag)

The crisis is over, America. Eggs are now cheaper than a McChicken

RIP #MTVNews. I deeply regret not adopting this puppy on Election Night 2016 and naming him, duh, Bernie

There is no T in Costco. Nice try. You can put the “T” over by the “The” in Home Depot and while were at it, put an apostrophe in Wegmans

@ericschmerick That hair, more like Pineapple Martini

Every time i open this app, i'm assaulted with a prompt. Name one movie ... If you could pick ... In one word.... What are you all, undercover high school teachers? Get a job