bfg

Mentally I am here

How on earth does the fact that I want to eat my children make any evolutionary sense?

Really putting both brain cells to work here huh

@shitshowdotinfo When you make the container before you have any idea how much shit fits in it, BUTWAITTHERESMORE we’ll just leave the extra .06 oz because fuck whole numbers

about to puke from laughing over the sink

Enough with the dumb jokes about crystals. You should take Marianne Williamson and her politics seriously. jacobin.com/2023/04/marian…

@TheBlueDodger That’s nothing. There’s a footballer putting even more students through college. Google “karim Benzema 15” to find out

The Dunes here are amazing, and they're how I learned about geomorphology, which is the study of movement landforms. We've had a great trip

In honor of @donlemon’s years of dedication to informing the public, and CNN’s unexpected termination of his employment, we are hosting a celebration for Don tonight. lemonparty.org for details

@adamdangelo You look like Adam Lanza

AI is going to enable the creation and enforcement of laws 1000x as complex as we have today. This is mostly a good thing.

Me when my toddler is melting down and my wife is just pissing him off even more

Completely sober eating arbys on the toilet

Underwear that jerks you off when you walk

If I got cancer I would definitely die

My flight to Vancouver was cancelled and it cost me $10,000 to take the ferry instead. Hold up… $10k for a 90 min ferry?! 🤯 Well, sort of. To ferry from Victoria to Vancouver costs $160 and 3 hours 15 minutes of my time. ⛴️ To take a sea plane costs me $220 and 1 hour 15 minutes of my time. 🛩️ So I saved $60 by taking the ferry, right? No. I value my time at a minimum of $5,000 per hour. Sounds like a lot, but honestly it’s not. So an extra 2 hours of travel time actually costs me $10k… I know some people will read this and think I’m an idiot. But time is everything. You don’t get it back. How much would you pay for more time at the end of your life? I’d pay SO much more than $60 to get those 2 hours back… I think about this with everything I do.

The move away from 56k internet was a mistake because we no longer have the shrieks of the damned every time we log on to remind us that online is an outpost of hell

You look like if Rosie O’Donnell and Jonah Hill had a kid with fetal alcohol syndrome

“The only thing stopping the American right wing from being outright and indisputably fascist is that they are a retarded mess” probably isn’t the reassurance you think it is

Not ONE mention of 9/11. I’m never drinking this shit again