Sammy Dizzle

@SouthernRailUK is there a problem with the level crossing at Berwick today?

I can’t stop watching this 😂

Trying to buy a vape is worse than ordering a coffee in Starbucks. Me: have you got a lemon one? Them: no but I’ve got snozzberry and dinosaur fruit sprinkle flavour Me: erm… strawberry? Them: how about sparkling elephant jelly and iced grass shavings? Me: 20 Silk Cut please

Watching @TheMorningShow thinking they must’ve known… then spotted what was on in the background and realising they must’ve known 🙊

@FLE4B4G This was actually on in the background of an episode

this is literally the plot of the morning show

The funniest thing I’ve seen this year… local Sussex street artist “Wanksy” draws massive cocks and balls round potholes that have plagued this road for months and the council sort them out the next day 🤣🤣🤣

@Teetosugars Yes. Very.

If the end of #LutherTheFallenSun wasn’t the start of the new Bond film I’m going to be furious

I wish one of them had the balls to say “yeah it’s wrong but the lure of a 6 figure salary was more tempting than taking a stand, so here I am”. Cos that’s what each one them actually fucking means. #FIFAWorldCup

I’ve spent 20 minutes watching the World Cup coverage and it’s lots of people in Qatar saying that the World Cup shouldn’t be held in Qatar.

Spare a thought for Grant Shapps, who’s just cancelled the order for his new, ergonomic office chair.

Jedward there talking more sense than the PM ever did #GeneralElection2022

@HelpAtGeorge hi. I’m trying to raise a return. The order isn’t showing in my online account. Online won’t accept the order no/ email address combo. The phone line is asking me for an 8-digit order number but both the numbers on my invoice are 9+ digits. Help please

FT: What a match. 😅 [3-3] 📲 snickersuk.com // #BHAFC 🔵⚪️

Alexa, where is the Champions League Final 2024 being held? #BHAFC

@HarlequinMids All good here thanks. How’s life treating you?

@calamitysam Hello Sam... nice to hear from you ...trust you and your Hammer are all good?

@Kendomac Many happy returns x

@KushlasBySanaer Utterly dead behind the eyes. I wonder if that’s as a consequence of who he’s married to or that’s what enabled him to marry her

@KushlasBySanaer I have now. Wow.