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BREAKING: Arizona officials have confirmed the state’s groundhog has begun court-ordered community service after promising a “cooler week” and then immediately allowing temperatures to jump back to 106 like nothing happened.
He’s been issued an ADOT safety suit, a roadside grabber, and strict orders to clean highways across the desert until the weather remembers it’s supposed to be spring. Witnesses say he was first spotted outside Tucson picking up empty water bottles, melted soda cans, and at least six abandoned “Finally cooling down” posts.
Authorities say the punishment will continue until one of three things happens:
• Havasu stays under 90 for a full day
• Nobody says “It’s a dry heat”
• Or you can touch your steering wheel without flinching
Officials confirm the second option is impossible.
For now, the groundhog will remain on cleanup duty across Arizona…
thinking about the emotional damage caused by giving everyone hope for exactly two days.
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