Christopher Robin

@kristenstark234 @CarlosGarbiras It's called an everlasting gobstopper, and you shut the whole fuck up.

@chris_robin79 @CarlosGarbiras True. I bet you'd also chew that forbidden gum and turn into a fucking blueberry.

I feel like scientists should be able to translate whale language to English by now. I want to hear that deep sea gossip!

@KevinAlexander It's pretty ridiculous

Too much Taco Bell again?

Don't call a goose a "silly goose." They hate it and I have the bite marks to prove it.

@kristenstark234 @CarlosGarbiras I am more of a deadbeat than that piece of shit.

@CarlosGarbiras Maybe you could open some kind of Willy Wonka Meat Bun Factory? The invitation could be written on bacon instead of golden tickets. I don't have a deadbeat Grandpa so I guess I'll just bring @chris_robin79 if I win.

Wtf are you looking at?

I'm still not sure what to use any social media for since I'm not really selling anything. So here's this...

Alright, stop. Collaborate and listen. Apparently this haircut is back for a new generation. Something... grabs a hold of me tightly. Flows like lightning through my aging, uh, ticker.

@gabyfilmmaker I've been wondering lately how much all things adds to my life. The answer is not much.

Seriously considering pulling a Voyager 1 kind of stunt and going offline for a good 5 months to see what happens...

@CarlosGarbiras Not your best joke. Stick to working with balls.

I decided to reengage on Twitter, and the algorithm told me to interact with more posts to prove I'm not a robot. Your mama was a snowblower.

@kristenstark234 There's still nothing else like it. Fuck.

@chris_robin79 Welcome back to the cesspool!

@Davemconte Keep up the good work

My goal before I leave this earth is to make people happy. So far, I’ve only made people miserable. However, it’s good to have goals.

I spent my Friday pretending my cat was Godzilla. Very happy with the result.

When my kids get a little out of control, I tell them they're "getting crazy with the Cheez Whiz". They look at me like I'm insane, and I realize that song is 30 years old.

I Phoned A Friend During my Vasectomy link.medium.com/sXIOqRebRIb @CarlosGarbiras