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✨V✨

✨V✨

@coolauntV

writer, comedian • original content

Seattle, WA Katılım Eylül 2009
994 Takip Edilen11.1K Takipçiler
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✨V✨
✨V✨@coolauntV·
are duolingo employees ok?
✨V✨ tweet media✨V✨ tweet media✨V✨ tweet media✨V✨ tweet media
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trash jones
trash jones@jzux·
first date idea: we jump in front of waymos to see if they are capable of a hit and run
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Ꮍᴀᴇʟ
Ꮍᴀᴇʟ@elle91·
We should've stopped somewhere between discovering fire and filing taxes. We did too much
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ce n'est pas erica
ce n'est pas erica@sourhoestarter·
a block of parmesan is a protein bar for those w eyes to see
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✨V✨@coolauntV·
need more people to be upfront about being a writer before we go on a date. only one of us is going to mine our relationship for material and it ain’t gonna be you
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James Tate
James Tate@JamesTate121·
You'll never find justice in a world where criminals make the rules. - Bob Marley
James Tate tweet media
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✨V✨@coolauntV·
Rob Lowe sounds suspiciously like rob Lowe’s, which is like a subliminal message that all the tweakers in my hometown have decided to listen to and act on
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✨V✨@coolauntV·
riding a tandem bike by myself just to bum people out
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April Clark
April Clark@autogynefiles·
Your honor, is it possible you’re projecting your own internalized guilt onto my client?
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Hadas Weiss
Hadas Weiss@weiss_hadas·
problematic age gap between my plan and my execution
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they/them might be giants ☭
they/them might be giants ☭@babadookspinoza·
“I don’t owe anybody anything!” Actually we are perhaps nothing but dizzyingly intricate webs of obligations to other beings and ourselves. The sheer weight of our obligations is all that keeps us from floating away into space. We can never do enough but we must try.
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ཊལབསརངཧ
ཊལབསརངཧ@David_Rudnick·
hi. i am billionaire. for my entire adult life, i have rewired my brain to only seek to extract money. i am building a machine to destroy you and everything you love and turn it into money that i own. (American) : This is so cool. this is the coolest thing i have ever heard
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Hermit
Hermit@hermitfriend·
I once broke up with a girl who reacted by telling me "it's gonna be so EASY for me to find someone better than you" and I autistically responded "?? ok obviously you should do that"
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mert
mert@mert·
I don't get how you are considered unemployable past 70-80 years old and yet that's the age group exclusively running most countries
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anna !!! :)) 🇵🇸🌸✨🌸🇵🇸
you should always have your subtitles on when watching movies on the plane so i can tell what they are saying when i’m watching it from the row behind you
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Zac 🍒 Compact Disc Lover
Zac 🍒 Compact Disc Lover@World0fEcho·
I don’t care for arugula. But I like that its name sounds like one of those old timey car horns.
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cal?
cal?@cal_gif·
honestly the original USDA food pyramid was funny as fuck for recommending 6-11 servings of bread a day. genuinely don't mind if I do
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hunter
hunter@3gpmh·
micro dosing hell by staying informed and educated
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love drops
love drops@lovedropx·
My best tip for anyone trying to get back into reading is to remember that you can read books to avoid other responsibilities in your life, and it can become a vice if you play your cards right.
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