✨V✨

are duolingo employees ok?

first date idea: we jump in front of waymos to see if they are capable of a hit and run

We should've stopped somewhere between discovering fire and filing taxes. We did too much

a block of parmesan is a protein bar for those w eyes to see

need more people to be upfront about being a writer before we go on a date. only one of us is going to mine our relationship for material and it ain’t gonna be you

@JamesTate121 @mommywhitfield At some point we’re going to have to DIY this 👀

You'll never find justice in a world where criminals make the rules. - Bob Marley

Rob Lowe sounds suspiciously like rob Lowe’s, which is like a subliminal message that all the tweakers in my hometown have decided to listen to and act on

riding a tandem bike by myself just to bum people out

Your honor, is it possible you’re projecting your own internalized guilt onto my client?

“I’ve been married for 17 years , in that time I’ve not once done the grocery shopping”

problematic age gap between my plan and my execution

“I don’t owe anybody anything!” Actually we are perhaps nothing but dizzyingly intricate webs of obligations to other beings and ourselves. The sheer weight of our obligations is all that keeps us from floating away into space. We can never do enough but we must try.

hi. i am billionaire. for my entire adult life, i have rewired my brain to only seek to extract money. i am building a machine to destroy you and everything you love and turn it into money that i own. (American) : This is so cool. this is the coolest thing i have ever heard

I once broke up with a girl who reacted by telling me "it's gonna be so EASY for me to find someone better than you" and I autistically responded "?? ok obviously you should do that"

I don't get how you are considered unemployable past 70-80 years old and yet that's the age group exclusively running most countries

you should always have your subtitles on when watching movies on the plane so i can tell what they are saying when i’m watching it from the row behind you

last night’s experience

I don’t care for arugula. But I like that its name sounds like one of those old timey car horns.

honestly the original USDA food pyramid was funny as fuck for recommending 6-11 servings of bread a day. genuinely don't mind if I do

micro dosing hell by staying informed and educated

My best tip for anyone trying to get back into reading is to remember that you can read books to avoid other responsibilities in your life, and it can become a vice if you play your cards right.