Captain Crank Dell

#Lavar Ball signing away his leg to go 3/3 with successful sons and no only fans daughters

Boys are racked in the uber to parker house. Were back

Brothas get horny and start telling fat girls they are thick😂😂😂

You get embarrassed when you wake up to drunk texts. I get drunk solely to send the texts. We are not the same. #beastmode

Ive handed out 12 #shootersshoot

I’ll never find love I’m so picky #lmk

Yes I did read a smut book for pussy, yes it was worth all 538 pages #HauntingAdeline #DownBad

Heres my next date idea, we go on the date and I nut in you

If my dick pic ever got leaked soft, you best believe im posting that thing hard. Two sides to every story💯

Iran this, Iran that. Iran out of some bitches and this israel struggle

I cant sleep on my stomach because ill just end up dry humping my bed for a few hours instead of sleeping @jkotler15

@FilayTeamJ You gatekeeping ???

Everyone talking bout lab grown meat, where the lab at?? Im tryna get my meat grown too tf

If you’re not waking up in random Freshman dorms during silly week you don’t want it bad enough #grit

Shawty asked me “what matters more in your life? Me or the New York Mets” Safe to say we dont talk anymore💯 #LetsGoMets #LGM

Life is amazing: -gyms exist -Coke Zero exists -hot girls outnumber even moderately put-together dudes 2000 to 1 -you and your wife can get hammered at a comedy show then smash all night without a condom -you and your friends can hit the gym then smoke a joint and grill cheeseburgers -iPhones have GPS and it tells you when there’s a cop so you can slow down and avoid a speeding ticket -you could be working 16 hour days in a coal mine in a third world country There are people who live in wheelchairs. There are kids born with disabilities. No Prom, no Shoulder Presses, no sleepovers with their best friends staying up til 2AM watching Interstellar. And you’re not SMASHING the gym like a GRATEFUL SAVAGE!? Eating healthy 90% of the time, calling your friends for no reason, booking the trip, CRUSHING IT at work, ASKING for the raise!? Asking out your crush making her your girlfriend then your wife!? You’re spinning on a sphere in an infinite universe and the fact you’re alive is a 1 in 500 trillion miracle - you’re so lucky it’s absurd and you have nothing to lose :)

NEVER, EVER, let an anger management therapist jack you off. You will wake up with a bruise on it. Unc is on the 10 IL.

“God forbid a white boy get a lil motion Jerry”

Give to them nothing but take from them EVERYTHING. Time to turn up and leave it all on the field #gigem #12thMan

Getting rejected by a fat girl is gotta be the most humbling experience ever

@stevetalkin Wingman of the Year

Card might’ve declined in front of my date. #wemove