Dorp

@cheascake I spent more than one lunch break at my last menial job watching coworkers slap-box

blue collar is when the customers want to hit you and white collar is when your coworkers want to hit you.

@cheascake It must feel so good to be a human in a hydraulic press

it must feel so good to be playdough in a hydraulic press

Washing the dishes is a fundamentally female chore because they can actually get their hands inside the cups. I am also told they like the hot water

Every time someone new starts at work, the game of politely sussing out whether they're an idiot begins. I feel like one of those people on Love is Blind who's trying to figure out whether they're talking to a fat chick or a manlet

What if instead it was War PAWGs and if your ass is fat enough the government gives you an AR-15

Call me a gram cracker the way the ladies at the local VFW bingo night can't get enough of this white boy

@EvilCheascake Wagecel BRAINMOGGED by number 1 ranked dollarmaxxer in the office

@cheascake Hey. Turned on the news today, had me thinking about the state in which I left our union. Call me, I miss you.

If he doesn't ask for your address today does he even care about the state of your union?

Sometimes, I will go "I bet a tomato and spinach omelet with some spicy hash browns would be great right now" and then what I actually do is bake and eat an entire Jack's sausage and pepperoni pizza

I think my favorite thing about all of the "women in STEM" stuff is when the big defence contractors try to get in on the action. I'd love to see the board meeting at Raytheon where the "we don't have enough bitches making missiles" pitch happened

I'm convinced that when a man reaches 30% body fat the local police department mails him a shirt with the Punisher logo on it

Ladies, be your own sweetheart this Valentine's Day. Buy yourself flowers, kiss your own forehead

I should call him...

Just heard a pianist playing a classical piece whose melody I could recall, but not the name. Cassical music always has some bullshit title like "Opus 50, no. 18a, E Minor," which simply does not have the same ring to it as "Wet Ass Pussy." How am I supposed to remember?

Fighting for my life in a bathroom stall in a Newark diner. Pants hanging on the coat hook, patting my forehead dry with the toilet paper

What kind of woman doesn't let you wash her armpits in the shower

@justalexoki While workplace gyms are often lackluster, a silver lining is not having to deal with this type of thing. The threat of being seen by coworkers keeps things mostly reasonable. On the flipside, if you rip ass during a hard set of squats, it WILL be mentioned in the Monday meeting

one thing i will say about the gym though is that the women are wearing insane clothes. this is literally what it feels like. like why are you showing everybody your entire asscrack. put on some damn clothes

Skinny privilege is not having to know how the lap belt works on an airplane. Short privilege is thinking the best part of not having a seat neighbor is not having to make small talk. As a twinkish manlet, my basic economy seat is basically a studio apartment

If we are on the highway and you are only doing 15 over, you are a pussy and need to get out of the left lane

@FeralPHunter I feel the opposite... Sex is like 3x 30 seconds, basically a HIIT workout

im pretty good about remaining consistent with strength training but the only time im consistent with cardio / running is when im regularly having sex