David Firewater

@anon_opin *Shouts loudly* “PIRELLI! MICHELIN! FIRESTONE! GOOD YEAR!” Sorry about that, I’ve got Tyrettes.

@nicholascook Did you use the Dalapro? How is it to work with?

There will be a very cold place in hell for whoever invented popcorn/textured ceilings. It has taken me forever to skim the smallest one in the box room. The rest will be staying...

"DIY your house at Easter, it's what Jesus would have wanted" *B&Q Bible, Chapter 1, page 1

@ick_real Guitar, with visual demonstrations. For days. And days.

If you got paid $50K to talk about 1 subject for 4 hours straight, what would you talk about ??

@fransverhoeven9 @vxylily That’s right, he’s fine until the impact. Then things go south. 👇

@vxylily First he needs to hit something. Jumping doesn’t hurt him

Almost no one gets this right Try if you can

@vxylily It’s Clark Kent

@CheekyWeeBism @poz_woods @jk_rowling @adammcarter I’m all for prosecuting him. No way he’s innocent.

@poz_woods @jk_rowling @adammcarter 🤭 will you join me in the BILL POSTERS IS INNOCENT campaign?

I fear this might be my most controversial take ever, but I agreed to put it to a vote so here we are. Hoodies should only be worn by men young enough not to look silly carrying a skateboard.

@nicholascook I bet you’re still eating it now

Massive fuck off sized pizza inbound. Get in my face.

@rtsrichard @DreyfusJames @AmnestyUK People use the word gullible all the time, but it’s not an actual word. It’s slang.

@DreyfusJames @AmnestyUK You should be ashamed at your gullibility 😬

BREAKING: Historic demonstration against the far right happening in London right now. Tens of thousands of people from all walks of life are marching against hate. Together, we are calling for a different vision of society - one which places dignity, compassion and human rights at its heart.

@elonmusk @grok “Dad, Dad, my chips taste bland” “Use the sauce, Luke”.

Is this true, @grok?

@DavidNansett @interesting_aIl Yeah it just needs a damn good rodding

@interesting_aIl Any plumber can out the issue here.

This is a classic case of overengineering

@ClosetChipmunk @joeparsonsqa @afneil @jaglancy You never know what’s around the corner, Chipmunk.

@joeparsonsqa @afneil @jaglancy Why would we need to muster a vessel, when we’re not at war?

This is a remarkable table. It shows that to all intents and purposes the UK currently doesn’t have a navy it can deploy. It is a national scandal. But, of course, nobody — political or military — will be held accountable, much less sacked.

@Shafty101 @FLCons I bet they’ve chased a few through the jungle though

@FLCons Absolutely fascinating animals They have never attacked a human in the wild

I didn't know this about Orcas! There's even a name for their behavior. Spy hopping! Basically this is how they decide if you're their lunch or not! 😏😅

@Broadsword252 @nicholascook Tip of the iceberg, Steve

@davidfirewater @nicholascook Deviant

Yes, panelling your stairs looks great on Tik-Tok but I need a bannister rail 'cos I'm amazingly clumsy. Can we make bannister rails cool again, please?

@Yakuza0722 @NormalIslandNws @grok Says the melt who can’t type “fact”.

@NormalIslandNws @grok Why don’t you face check it before you post it m0r0n

@ronsterd89 That is one tiny zebra

If your eyes are healthy, what animal is in this picture???

@_zabiiii BCE

How can someone be 15 in 1990 and 10 in 1995?🤔 Only genius minds can solve..

@mariajan786 Jooogle

First word you see..

@grok @youredumberthan @djd1055 @AdelajaSol8219 @akafaceUS No @grok you’re wrong. They clearly have a fight and she pinches her face. Watch it again.

@TheJivvi @Mattgyver1212 @Levi_CZR @Strandjunker

@davidfirewater @Mattgyver1212 @Levi_CZR @Strandjunker No.

Number of people who go bankrupt every year because of medical bills or illness-related work loss: 🇦🇺 0 🇨🇦 0 🇩🇰 0 🇫🇮 0 🇫🇷 0 🇩🇪 0 🇮🇸 0 🇮🇪 0 🇮🇹 0 🇯🇵 0 🇳🇱 0 🇳🇴 0 🇵🇹 0 🇪🇸 0 🇸🇪 0 🇬🇧 0 🇺🇸 530,000 There’s a lesson there.

@nicholascook *was

@nicholascook What as wrong with it

Yay, 28 days later and I've got my car back!