David Capper

@JasonManford When are we getting another game of Padel in?

@premierpadel English commentator is so dull!! Great voice for snooker, brings zero insight or excitement, unlike the Spanish commentators. Bring in Sandy from @ThePadelSchool and Mauri from @HelloPadel PLEASE! #PremierPadel

Who will take the first final spot? 👀 #PremierPadel #TarragonaPremierPadelP1

@premierpadel @RedBullUK the English commentator is so dull!! Great voice for snooker, brings zero insight or excitement, unlike the Spanish commentators. Bring in Sandy from @ThePadelSchool and Mauri from @HelloPadel PLEASE!

@supertanskiii @SalfordMe2023

@SalfordMe2023 A 90s themed house party :) which just consists of me wearing my usual clothes tbh 😂

I wanted two things on my birthday: A French 75 and a cupcake, had both. The sun was glorious. Worse days for a birthday eh? Hoped to spend the day in Montmartre. Wasn’t to be. Instead, nearly got run over in Essex. Low key day, will celebrate 90s style next weekend ♥️

Another bank and banking app is down. This time @NatWest_Help @NatWestGroup

Inter v Barca and the picture quality on Prime is diabolical #prime #InterBarça

@premierinn what's the latest on your website and payments issue? Still can't make a reservation this morning.

I hate Elonnois Nazis

@supertanskiii Amazing 🤣

Breaking news: Keir Starmer has beaten up Ketamine Karen in a Tesco car park. A crowd waved England flags and cheered as Starmer mercilessly twatted two shades of shit out of that thick lying racist. Fact checkers who claim this didn’t happen are just politically biased.

@rbulltv @premierpadel your English commentary is dire. The guy right now has little knowledge or passion for Padel. Bring in people such as Sandy from @ThePadelSchool or Mauri @HelloPadel to provide passionate & insightful commentary, please!! #padel #premierpadel #redbulltv

@supertanskiii 🤣🤣🤣

Fucking hell, the farmer protests have really escalated 💣

@rbulltv @premierpadel you need to do something about your English Commentary team, it's absolutely terrible. Zero padel knowledge, zero insight, just dreadful. #padel #premierpadel

Let me be absolutely crystal fucking clear Farage @Nigel_Farage, you do not, nor have you, or will you, ever speak for, or represent me, on account of me not being a bigot, racist or xenophobe. You and your divisive, shit stirring rhetoric fucking disgust me.

@supertanskiii 🤣🤣🤣🤣

The real reason David Bull is wearing a bandage on his ear.

John Oliver is my new hero. No notes.

@supertanskiii Happy birthday!

It’s my birthday, I’m having an existential crisis and Father’s Day is hard, but.. My party is GE night. The best gift you could give is a tactical vote to end the Tories. stopthetories.vote We need a Labour government. Right, time to work out, then eat an entire cake.

@supertanskiii Good to see she's fulfilling her National Service obligations already 😂

Buy this woman a pint. Hope it was piss.

As you watch the Aurora this evening, it’s worth reflecting that you’re getting a rare direct glimpse of the power of Nature. Those charged particles causing the atmosphere to glow came from a sunspot complex 17 times the diameter of Earth and traveled across 90 million miles at a million miles an hour. Without our magnetic field to protect us, our atmosphere would have been lost to space long ago. Those colours in the sky are Nature reminding us that we’re very lucky to be here amidst the violence. And perhaps therefore also reminding us not to shite it all up :-)

I fight Fascists and extortionate croissants.

1. Register to vote in the May 2nd local elections by 11.59pm tonight. 2. Get your ID. 3. Vote tactically. 4. Laugh your arse off as Tory councillors cry in sports centres at 3am on election night. It’s going to be fucking delicious, but it can only happen if YOU show up.