Ayomide Alphonsus Ogunfolaji retweetledi
Pause your emotions for five minutes and read this from a logical point of view… please.
Before I get into it, I’d like to affirm that all rapists, regardless of gender, deserve the full extent of the law if proven guilty. In fact, a just God should not forgive rape. The only crime I can think of worse than rape is murder.
That being said, men are builders. Men are providers. Men are protectors. To share in any of these titles, I, as a man, have to work hard. I have to be better. I have to upgrade and upskill, and I 100% accept these responsibilities.
But why do I have to do absolutely nothing to receive the title of “potential rapist”?
This statement, and many like it, often aim to shift the discussion from “some men are horrible” to “you, as a man, are part of something horrible,” even though I have never, not once in my life, raped anybody or even conceived thoughts of such an atrocity.
No matter how emotionally resilient or stoic or male feminists or whatever you claim to be, this triggers your sense of being misjudged.
All men are not rapists and all rapists are not men. It is a simple expression..
The usual response is: “Why does it trigger you if you know you’re not a rapist?” or “Why aren’t you lending your voice to call all men out?” Usually something along those lines.
It’s simple. The statement, and the movement around it, violates the integrity of my own self identity. They create cognitive dissonance… a clash between who I know myself to be and how I am being portrayed.
I understand that many women speak from a place of pain, fear, or past trauma. I’ve seen this firsthand, which is why I often avoid engaging in these conversations with those who have been directly affected when they go off.
I recognize that, in many cases, their statements are not meant literally, but as an expression of lived experience. Many men usually choose to not reply or engage and some feel the need to counter making it seem like we do not care.
Still, we care… and that is precisely why it affects us. Those who actually commit these crimes are unlikely to be influenced by generalized accusatory statements.
Do you think the men who committed those atrocities are concerned with our bickering? The worthless POS plans to commit the same crime again sometime soon at the next festival.
The only men who are affected are those who know they are not perpetrators, yet feel unfairly grouped as such.
Framing the issue this way can also creates a dilemma: to support the movement, one generalizes or assigns guilt to other men who, like oneself, have done nothing wrong. I should not have to risk undermining the integrity of individuals I resonate with and know do not deserve such labels.
We should be able to call out members within a group firmly and without compromise. And we can do it without assigning that behavior to every member of the group.
Addressing a serious issue of this caliber does not require unfair generalization if your aim is to quell the fire. This statement only fans the flame.
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