Dick Patella

When I was young I had hope and enthusiasm but now I'm a human piñata full of scorpions

@TheCinesthetic Being in a firefight like in Heat and afterwards no one is completely deaf

What something that’s completely normal in movies but would be weird and even psychotic in real life?

@TheCinesthetic Being hand selected for a space mission where you're cryogenically asleep and as soon as everyone wakes up they start fighting with each other

@adamcarolla very trendy in my neighborhood to have those LED lights all along your roof so I thought RMPM "never take their xmas lights down"

Solid one

@RayfromMiami In 10 years it will be floor tai chi because we will be too fat to even make it into a chair

@dickpatella We only have folding chairs

What’s this Chair Tai Chi for men over 50 I keep seeing on YouTube

WEWEASE BWIAN

@ThoNg676733 She is so aware of every sound that comes out of her mouth. I haven't heard a singer like this in many years and I think she's truly remarkable.

What a voice she has

@tadasuko_blue You have a problem and I'm here for it

並べてみました⚡️🤩

@chefsevenn This be the realist shit I ever wrote

@chefsevenn when you are dating a woman you are auditioning her for divorce court

I’m 28. Give me oddly specific life tips. No general ”surround yourself with positive people” tips. I want the most random, specific advice possible.

@TomSteyer I will accept this if we also get a day of invisibility

Trans people deserve to have a life where they feel accepted and valued. That's why days like today — Trans Day of Visibility — are more important than ever. We have a government that wants to hurt the LGBTQ community, and if we don't stand up for our people, they win.

@26ers_bp115 this guy should be put on a space shuttle that explodes on takeoff

ステロイド使いまくりの承認欲求丸出し野郎。 コイツが頻繁にオススメに出てきて不愉快過ぎる。 誰か助けてくれ！

@NSReicher dude that Firebird is gorgeous

@dickpatella I love green and blue strats. Firebirds are in the same category, but I think white is my preferred Firebird color.

Oh, look! A firebird! What are the odds?😇

I met one of my neighbors this morning his name is Brett. He was wearing Star Wars pijama pants and a Star Wars T-shirt and he's probably 40. But that's not important the important thing is I remembered his name and I can't wait to see him again and be like what's up Brett

@AgingAnarchist ☠️☠️😆

板前のころ、サンクスギビングの祝日も営業していたんだけど、アメリカ人スタッフはみんな休みを取っていたからどうしても人手が足りなくて困っていた。するとメキシカンのホセが「ミー、カミング」と言ってくれた。このように米国経済は彼らのような移民によって支えられている。ホセは来なかった。

@OwenBenjamin The last thing I want is to "see results right there in the doctors office" that sounds like the most horrible thing ever

Why would anyone take a pill to get an erection? Enjoy the peace. A man’s penis drives him like a slave for most of his life. Once the screaming stops you can finally figure out who you really are. If that day ever comes for me the last thing I will do is take a pill to awaken the tyrant who’s thirst could drain the oceans,

@G_SAKAI Dude, those stubby foldout knives. How do I get one?

アメリカの友人たちにお願いがあります 日本の岐阜県関市の高品質なナイフたちのこと　 時々でいいから思い出してください

@sorapiyo1111111 This guy should be catapulted into the sun

外国人の皆さん。 日本では食事中に席を立ち踊り叫ぶのは 下品で、非常識で、ルール違反です。 これが海外の「面白さ」なのですか？ こんなみんなマナー悪くないよね？🥺