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“Never apologize. It's a sign of weakness." - John Wayne
Why he was wrong. Average people cannot do this. If they don’t apologize they’re seen as arrogant, self centered. By many standards today people value a person who shows they care for others, which apologizing is understood by many to be viewed as putting the other person's feelings above their own. "We are human" a saying that is an explanation for the fact that we will make mistakes. Our emotions can make any social setting very complex. A simple heartfelt “I'm sorry” has the potential to instantly alleviate tension set in by years of pain.
Why he was right. If you're an above average person then you don't go by the rules that most people go by. That means an above average person has taken hours & hours of introspective analysis. Compared what they feel, to the effects they have on the people around them. It means whenever they act it’s based on the knowledge & intuition they’ve gained from experiences. It means when they make a decision it's NOT based on instant self gratification. They don’t let every emotion dictate every decision. Their actions and choices are grounded from a stable moral center.
No this doesn't change the fact that a person will make mistakes. But why would that person apologize for a mistake when it’s based on a solid foundation? When a mistake is made, acknowledge it. Acknowledge the purpose of why the choice was made. Most importantly, acknowledge the result. It can be that simple. If we feel the need to apologize then are we honestly making that specific choice from our moral center? If we did then there's no need to apologize. If we didn't then that's where the need to apologize comes out because we made a spur of the moment decision based on a surge of emotion. The point is to acknowledge from where inside we are making our decisions.
Why I'm choosing to Never Apologize. A few years ago I felt the need to apologize at least a hundred times for mistakes I made because I was making careless mistakes left & right. "I'm sorry" became an automatic thing for me. It simply kept coming out because I knew I had made many mistakes & would continue to make more mistakes.
The irony here is that by making the decision to Never Apologize, I forced myself to make better decisions. I started making less choices that I needed to apologize for. By making this decision, subconsciously I said that I committed myself to BE BETTER. By doing so, I acknowledged that a choice may not be the best decision but it is the best I AM making based on who I am and the information I have in front of me.
Committing to Never Apologize doesn’t mean decisions will be perfect. That I will not make mistakes but I am making the BEST decision I can. Once I realize that it's NOT the best decision, then change it immediately. It can be that simple. Let's remove the complexity of our minds with choices by adopting better behavior so that we don't feel the need to apologize to others.
Do we need to apologize for mistakes from the past? Of course it wouldn't hurt in really bad situations, but if done right then I would still say, No.
Instead go to that person & acknowledge what we did. Sincerely look into their eyes feeling the words with COMPLETE vulnerability saying something to the effect of.... "As I look back on that, I completely understand why that hurt you." , "What I did, my decision caused you pain & I hurt you." The point is... Acknowledge your mistake with COMPLETE vulnerability showing that you care about them as a human.
Is that an apology? No. It's a heartfelt acknowledgement of a bad choice. Not an apology.
Think about the subtlety. Consider the impact in the different paths. The apology path is about absolving or distancing yourself from the choice. It’s shame, guilt, & negativity. The acknowledging path is about accepting responsibility & going towards that choice. It’s honor, character, & showing love to ourselves & to others.
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