kyle doran

😂 😂 😂 😂

Tesco just arrived with the Christmas delivery. The driver handed me a bag and said ‘There’s a couple of substitutions, here’s your sprig of rosemary and haddock’ I said to him ‘This isn’t the thyme or the plaice’.

Liverpool are unbeaten in 5 games and the strongest reason why is because we gave Curtis Jones the keys. [@LukFloes]

Last quarter I rolled out Microsoft Copilot to 4,000 employees. $30 per seat per month. $1.4 million annually. I called it "digital transformation." The board loved that phrase. They approved it in eleven minutes. No one asked what it would actually do. Including me. I told everyone it would "10x productivity." That's not a real number. But it sounds like one. HR asked how we'd measure the 10x. I said we'd "leverage analytics dashboards." They stopped asking. Three months later I checked the usage reports. 47 people had opened it. 12 had used it more than once. One of them was me. I used it to summarize an email I could have read in 30 seconds. It took 45 seconds. Plus the time it took to fix the hallucinations. But I called it a "pilot success." Success means the pilot didn't visibly fail. The CFO asked about ROI. I showed him a graph. The graph went up and to the right. It measured "AI enablement." I made that metric up. He nodded approvingly. We're "AI-enabled" now. I don't know what that means. But it's in our investor deck. A senior developer asked why we didn't use Claude or ChatGPT. I said we needed "enterprise-grade security." He asked what that meant. I said "compliance." He asked which compliance. I said "all of them." He looked skeptical. I scheduled him for a "career development conversation." He stopped asking questions. Microsoft sent a case study team. They wanted to feature us as a success story. I told them we "saved 40,000 hours." I calculated that number by multiplying employees by a number I made up. They didn't verify it. They never do. Now we're on Microsoft's website. "Global enterprise achieves 40,000 hours of productivity gains with Copilot." The CEO shared it on LinkedIn. He got 3,000 likes. He's never used Copilot. None of the executives have. We have an exemption. "Strategic focus requires minimal digital distraction." I wrote that policy. The licenses renew next month. I'm requesting an expansion. 5,000 more seats. We haven't used the first 4,000. But this time we'll "drive adoption." Adoption means mandatory training. Training means a 45-minute webinar no one watches. But completion will be tracked. Completion is a metric. Metrics go in dashboards. Dashboards go in board presentations. Board presentations get me promoted. I'll be SVP by Q3. I still don't know what Copilot does. But I know what it's for. It's for showing we're "investing in AI." Investment means spending. Spending means commitment. Commitment means we're serious about the future. The future is whatever I say it is. As long as the graph goes up and to the right.

Gakpo cutting in from the left

Arsenal will go down as the most boring team to ever win the Premier League.

Greatest duo in Premier League history. Nobody comes close.

Can I say something? They might be a dark horse for the World Cup...

They’re still gonna say what Van Dijk just said is fucking insane tho, mind you this was after we actually won the game

Didier Drogba scored 11 goals in 30 games against Jamie Carragher but I’m supposed to believe van Dijk would struggle in that era 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

People aren’t grasping how anti football that was. Don’t think a single other team will set up as deep as that all season

@GreggMcNally Great career mate 👏👏

Thank you for letting me represent this great club for so many years ❤️the best and most enjoyable 8 years of my career 🙌🏼 #uptheleopards 🐆

👏 👏

The narrative that Salah only just became a playmaker recently is complete bollocks btw. you lot were just never watching him. while you ran false narratives, he kept doing his thing. now doubting his playmaking makes you look retarded, so you folded.

its mad what happens when you actually watch football instead of twitter narratives. hes always been cold

If the Europa League Final was an episode of The Office… 😂 Inspired by @thesefootytimes

He did say he’d win in his second season. Congratulations!

I am never ever taking this for granted. What a sight

Man needs to stay just so we can sing this forever! 😂 Amazing song folks, wow! 🔊 "We can hear them crying in Turin, Federico he’s here to win, One chat with Arne slot and he said Ciao, Fuck off juve I’m a Kopite now!" 🇮🇹