dani

U are a bitch if u ever put your faith in Donald Trump. Idc if it was 2016 or whenever. Dude been evil from day one and yall dick ride because you got no fucking heart

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The best decision I ever made was marrying you, @MichelleObama. For 33 years, I’ve admired your strength, grace, and determination — and the fact that you look so good doing it all. Happy anniversary!

anyways get to have another ultrasound tomorrow to see my little baby and i’m so excited

My children are not on the autism spectrum because I took Tylenol while pregnant. They’re on the autism spectrum because I, a person who will wear only one type of shoe and can’t eat food that is “too potato-y,” had babies with a man who has an encyclopedic knowledge of European aristocracy but a limited ability to process social cues.

i get to see my baby again on wednesday and im so excited

being pregnant and poor SUCKS when these are in crumbl’s lineup this week

yeah no, these pregnancy dreams can suck my ass. WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT.

getting employee of the month (which we don’t even do???) when all you do is sit on your phone is crazy

got offered a promotion???? WHAT????

i am beyond excited to see my parents next week

oh, wicked part 1? phenomenal, cried a million times, gonna go watch it a million times before part 2 comes out. release date for wicked part 2? atrocious, horrible, the worst news ever.

what. the. fuck.

getting married in half an hour???? CRAZY NUTS WILD

6 days!!!! crazy!

when i said i didn’t want to do anything this weekend, I DIDNT MEAN GETTING COVID AND DYING IN MY OWN BED

i’m sorry but getting covid 2 weeks before your own wedding is dumb