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how to play your man like a fiddle (bene gesserit maxxing): - use the carrot not the stick: @melissa wrote about this very eloquently, but don’t criticize behavior you don’t like, be happy and excited and grateful about the behavior you do. He’ll do more of it - use softness like a knife: never let yourself get nasally or shrill. softening and lowering and slowing your voice also makes people sit up and attention, often more so - use absence, not obsession: Have your own world he’s never fully privy to. give him room to miss you, *especially* when he’s not acting as he should - work around his pride, not against it never criticize or contradict him around other people. When you do criticize him, frame your criticisms in a way that align with his self image - be his mirror in the big ways never diminish yourself to make him feel strong. hold yourself to the same standards of excellence you always would. He’ll respect the ways in which you’re his equal - be his opposite in the small ones There’s a famous quote from mad men: you’ll never be one of the boys, so don’t even try. being a girl can take you very far if you do it right. show him his importance by letting him be of service in the ways you’re naturally built different. most obvious one is letting him lift things for you and reach tall shelves and do all the things he’s good at that aren’t your strengths. In return, take every opportunity in doing things for him that you’re good at. There’s nothing wrong w being feminine, stereotypically or otherwise. There doesn’t need to be any competition or shame or resentment in assuming complementary roles. In fact it’s a really sweet and beautiful thing - be non-reactive be excellent at regulating your own emotions. You don’t need him to do it for you. Your boundaries are so excellent that if he continually makes you upset you’ll just calmly leave, and he knows it. He has no power to make you lose control or act from fear or desperation