Elizabeth Tippet

Current body type:

What are you ultra running from?

How you treat your Alexa is how you treat anyone.

What’s the acceptable distance to park from my kid’s school in order to sleep in my car?

I’ll try exactly one natural remedy for ants (cinnamon) before I return to the tried and true (a shotgun)

I’m too fat for climate change.

I only watch Dateline to feel better about my own bedroom furniture.

Love is not texting “I heard that” from the other room.

So we’re all pronouncing February wrong and I want us to keep on doing it.

But we can listen to Michael Jackson again just in October, right?

I walked around a corner and startled a grown man on his tippy toes sniffing a flower and, well, I guess I'm never walking around a corner again.

@lagutey thank you for standing with me

@eltippy Thank you for saying this

we're all just pretending we know what algorithms are, right?

If you guys are looking for a great tea set to let the child fondle admiringly, I really can’t recommend this one enough.

AA but for people who get hungover off two glasses of wine. We mainly talk about TV and what books we’re embarrassed to have liked.

I stood grocery store parking lot, marveling at the evening sky, thinking about how much I love LA - right before noticing a completely nude man masturbating on the sidewalk. I guess he loves it a lot more than I do?

Connecticut: where everyone has a neighbor named Tom™️

Child molesters not beagles.

It’s an immutable law of the universe that there’s only one good seat per living room.

So I guess dogs hate America.