Emmett Cullen

Anyway, happy birthday, bro. I brought back your piano so you can play lyrically insipid shit later. And I bought you Skyrim.

I mean, Wardo should have a cool birthday and shit, but staying at home? Goddamn shame. We could've been wrestling moose by now.

Yo @ED_Cullen, thought you wanted to have fun on your birthday. Why the fuck are you watching So You Think You Can Dance?

.@ED_Cullen says the guy who friend zoned HIMSELF by refusing sex with his hot girlfriend? Idiot.

@DrC_cullen Hey, so that time you turned me to stop me dying and introduced me to my smokin hot wife? Was AWESOME. Happy Father's Day, pop!

@Bella_Freesia dude, it sucks you gotta be watched by Captain Creepy all night. No offense, but I'd go nuts.

.@ED_Cullen IT PUTS THE FREESIA ON IT'S SKIN....

"Tell me, where in the world is Edward's damn piano?" Some truly great shit.

The game's like this: I hide Edward's piano somewhere in the state. Ed can start looking for it after singing modified Rockapella lyrics.

Since Ed's not here, and he's not stalking Bella (yet), this is the perfect chance to play where in the world is Edward's damn piano.

@r_hale love you too, babe!

@Bella_Freesia what's up, sister. My bro's not stalking you tonight, is he?

@r_hale @Bella_Freesia babe, I'm a simple dude. Don't care about time management, but appreciate the fuck out of things getting easier.

Glad @Bella_Freesia is on twitter. Now I don't have to see her to complain about Ed's latest bitchfits. Saves time, you know?

@r_hale hell yeah, I wanna hunt! Let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel.

@jasper_hale @r_hale @ed_cullen Considering it took him ninety years to find a real girlfriend, are you surprised?

@ED_Cullen @BrightCuPenny @jasper_hale well, he's been screaming at us about Clorox for six days. We're pissed is all.

@jasper_hale @ED_Cullen Hell yeah, brother. That movie was fucking awesome.

I would break the CD like always, but I'm pretty sure it's actually @r_hale's, so...dilemma. Goddammit.

Wardo. Playing 'Dedicated to the One I Love' on repeat cause Bella went to school today & u didn't? OVERKILL, BRO. Seriously, what the fuck.