emerson

My coworker is divorcing her husband of TWENTY TWO YEARS after finding out he cheated on her for almost three months and everyone keeps asking her if she’s going to throw away their life together bc of three months and she always replies with “I didn’t throw away the life, he did” PREACH BABY PREACH.

I’ll be cold and dead in the ground before I let a straight man give me a haircut

It’s cute when people are like “it’s already the new year in Australia!” but everyone knows it’s not really the new year until Andy Cohen has blacked out in the greatest city in the world

life’s just been so ??????????????? lately

you and me if we were fish

for a girl that loves sleep and hates stress my career choice is questionable

me giving my dog a bath

“if you sleep in the afternoon, you won't sleep at night” me in the afternoon and night:

my birthday is in july please plan accordingly

REAL

White people be like well we're getting our steps in

I was asked who my favorite vampire is. I said, “The one from Sesame Street.” They told me, “He doesn't count!" I replied, “I assure you, he does.”

i be like “it is what it is” and almost vomit from anxiety

True

Thiss

Baby elephant making room for favourite toy