Paula Dogsweat

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Paula Dogsweat

Paula Dogsweat

@felldownahole

fell pony

Katılım Ocak 2009
494 Takip Edilen144 Takipçiler
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Paula Dogsweat
Paula Dogsweat@felldownahole·
Leave her little notes so she knows you care.
Paula Dogsweat tweet mediaPaula Dogsweat tweet media
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josh (oldfriend99)
josh (oldfriend99)@oldfriend99·
I knew it
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Sprocket Springberry
Sprocket Springberry@sabatonfan69·
My soon to be wife: what’s that sound? *the lumineers start to stomp clap their way down the aisle during the ceremony* Wife: I thought you couldn’t afford them? Me: I-I couldn’t The lumineers lead singer who is also my friend from high school but with a bigger beard: We wouldn’t miss it for the world Me: Dude.. *a raw sob wracks my frame which surprises the party guests, due to my profession of being an assassin*
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Mr. Honeydew
Mr. Honeydew@bestbuddy1998·
Is Count Dooku real? Not that I’m like “scared” or anything… I just wanna know
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Thomas White
Thomas White@len0killer·
Older friend in college: Yo we should throw a function tonight. Serious Stoner friend: Hell yeah dude. Ill bring the pot and bongs Nerd: Ahhh maybe. Ive got a test tomorrow Girl whos been fucking Caillou: Can Caillou come
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Kevin Nealon
Kevin Nealon@kevin_nealon·
When my son was 10, he recognized that I was an older father and he was not happy about that, and I never considered that. I walked into his bedroom one night, I could tell he'd been crying, puffy eyes, tears stained cheek. And I go, what's going on, buddy? Because I don't know his name. I’m never home. My son said, I've just been thinking, I'm 10 now and you're 63. When I'm 20. You're gonna be 73. When I'm 30. You'll be 83. You won’t be around for a lot of my life. I said. Buddy buddy, buddy. What's his fucking name. I said I’ll be around for a long time. Don't you worry about that. I'll be around when you graduate. I'll be around when you get married, when you have kids, I’ll be around for all that stuff. You just gotta make it happen in the next four years. Otherwise, yeah, you're probably right. I won't be around. He said, no, I'm serious. Dad. Dad? he doesn't know my name either.
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jake rhodes
jake rhodes@jakebrodes·
POV you’re my wife cracking the bathroom door open after I’ve texted you “toilet paper”
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Mark
Mark@AgingRanchHand·
When I'm at a movie theater on a weekday: Who the hell are these people going to the movies on a weekday
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Bö Jänke: Hönkÿ
Bö Jänke: Hönkÿ@Bob_Janke·
Golf was invented so people would know how big hail was
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Old Man Rattle
Old Man Rattle@OldRattleMan·
the geico gecko crawled up my penis and started controlling me like a mecha suit
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Mark
Mark@AgingRanchHand·
Jeopardy! should allow masked contestants every once in a while and when it's story time they should get to shake their head "no" and not say anything
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Michael Kandel
Michael Kandel@K_A_N_D_E_L·
the pitt video game actually looks pretty cool
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chad
chad@chasedbywasps·
jimmy neutron was based on a real boy from my church
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Acyn
Acyn@Acyn·
Trump: I met a wonderful woman—a grandmother driving doordash to help support her husband's cancer treatment. He's got serious cancer. She delivered McDonald's to the Oval Office. To be honest, it was a little tacky.
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josh (oldfriend99)
josh (oldfriend99)@oldfriend99·
Jeopardy: It's time for final Jeopardy Also Jeopardy: See you next time on Jeopardy
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Children
Children@children5708·
Sorry, we can’t hang out tonight. We have very little agency over what we do or where we go.
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yoshimi red
yoshimi red@nise_yoshimi·
drill sergeant: you're cute. You're handsome. I think you oughta be in movies me: sir yes sir drill sergeant, raising his voice to a scream: did anyone ever tell you you are beautiful
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