Floater's Digest

*robbing the masochist bank* put the money in the bag and everyone gets hurt, ok

SAY! Herodotus SAY! SAY! Herodotus

friend: hi guy who pants say hi to: you stole that from pants

@Feldfrog great use of occam's razor

Gnomes are very smart despite being very tiny. Phrenologists would love to study their skulls, but the gnomes won't let them - They wear the pointy hat as a deterrent

@scrumble_eggs i've pissed things you couldn't poop

I’ve pooped in toilets you wouldn’t even piss in.

@_Mark_Walsh_ Lanark

What are the best novels about an artist? I’m thinking along the lines of The Tragic Muse by Henry James, The Masterpiece by Zola and Biography of X by Catherine Lacey…

licking the ax for last scraps of Santa after ax-murdering and eating Santa >>>>>

5-6 $12 purchases is often sufficent to deplete a bank account containing $1700

happy slam yo booty a great many miles into the goddamn earth day

*with a love against which death is powerless* name for the order?

@John_Attridge my ancestor were worked to death on a laurel wreath farm :/

Happy for the successful athletes but precious metals symbolise humanity's fall into a world of toil and avarice. Far better in my view to reward winners with laurel wreaths, as in the pastoral golden age

@VeinRichard that's what i was hoping would happen when scientists took pieces of my body but i haven't heard back from them

scientists took pieces of my body and ran them through various processes. and they identified 5 key compounds

my reef researcher roommate is clearly losing his passion for reefs but our relationship is not such that i can offer him any guidance or comfort. reefs are in the slow process of losing a real one.

redefining the limits of eros with bro

@molochofficial i'm gonna the movies

love it when a novel violation highlights an invisible rule "are you hungry" "I'm"

americans be like what did your case worker get you for the super bowl

can wait for my moussaka #themoussakaexpecter

there's no prouder moment in a mother's life than when she has to get the word "impersonator" removed from her "my son is a dwight schrute impersonator" tattoo

@peligrietzer also of chomsky's universal grammar

Joking aside this is kind of Aristotle's defense of poetry

didn't realize brightening your girl's day was a crime