Mike Pinocchio

@mccormickdarrow @haplessalpha @castieldarrow That's it. Want a divorce.

@mccormickdarrow @haplessalpha @castieldarrow you're a TERRIBLE father

@mccormickdarrow @haplessalpha @castieldarrow ...it's twelve fucking thirty am

@mccormickdarrow @haplessalpha @castieldarrow if you want to get some exercise you can bring me the cookies

@castieldarrow I get the sense you're not supposed to ask those questions

@mccormickdarrow @haplessalpha @castieldarrow walking is hard

@vampireindarrow Which one?

@mccormickdarrow God, you are so boring

@mccormickdarrow You should also see what one of these birds does, it's probably the filthiest thing I've ever seen

@mccormickdarrow you married me, so yeah

@mccormickdarrow I was thinking more about trying to explain literally anything about cats

@mccormickdarrow First come in here and look at this

Also look what's going on in my life on a Friday night. I am so goddamn ashamed of myself

Thank Christ the kids are in their room, I don't want to have to explain any of this.

The cats are both watching a documentary about the mating habits of birds. Really closely. Sort of weirded out.

I'm serious, I'm going to find a way to make this multiverse thing work so I can go back in time and track that motherfucker down

What asshole invented sugar and why am I stupid enough to ever let my kids have it?

@mccormickdarrow I'm just saying we're averaging something like once a year now

And it's really really sad just how much I'm not kidding

Made appointment with tattoo artist. Time to actually get this thing done while I'm still alive to do it