riss is pissed

i am a pauly d sun, jwoww moon and snooki rising

They put Kill Yo Self in the pollen this year

convinced this bout of depression will go away if i buy tomodatchi life

“i don’t watch the office. never seen it, never will! ….thats a lie i’ve seen the whole thing.” -@senseilaraw

I was in Brockhampton but I was just the guy who did payroll

just looked my coworker dead in the face and said “i need to take a tinky winky, not to be confused with a stinky dinky…” with a deadly seriousness.

white boy speeding in a prius almost ran me over in the parking lot today then immediately slammed brakes for a squirrel. can’t write this stuff.

I have very long eyelashes and when I blink it sounds like bink bink bink. I'm very curvacious and voluptuous. I'm smoking a reaally long cigarette it's like 3 or four miles long, and my breats.. well you dont even want to know

@senseilaraw already coughin, girl!

just got a fortune cookie with no fortune??

what she’s named after :’) my sweet briny baby

@lemichiiii my tummy just did a backflip :( hope u are ok!!!!!!

wouldn’t be scalloped potatoes without a heinous mandoline injury 🥴

drink garnishes for dinner call that a barcuterie board

@lemichiiii couldn’t get the zipper up but felt that service bar was being swamped so ran down the hallway like

@gabag00ner fully nude in the stall like

violent poop at work while wearing a romper that zips in the back #humiliationritual

You reckon you could light a buzzball on fire and just lob it at people like you’re the green goblin with his pumpkin bombs

@vintages1ut @DasKapithole what the hell.

@cynth_hawg he should watch hereditary

Dude next to me at the bar is saying stranger things is scary. I feel so sorry for his daye

Just got my period. That explains the schizophrenia. You’d think a girl would come to expect it by now

don’t bite the cane that vaudevilles you