Robert Heywood

@Brucey1 @BeaumontSchStA 1997, we were in Lower Sixth and I played Ruben, the eldest brother 🎭

Before… and after! Lovely to be asked back to @BeaumontSchStA to talk to graduating students about my time there, my career in radio and to give them advice. Not been on that stage in front of people since I was the narrator in Joseph in 1994 🤣😬

And the wait for a World Cup finals win goes on #Lionesses #womensWorldCup2023

@RickyPerks @batemanjason @arnettwill @SeanHayes Yeah and not in a creepy way either. We’re just two stand-up dudes keen to be your best friends just as soon as you’re ready 👍 #bffs

@godinmanform @batemanjason So we’ll watch the doc, but also @batemanjason, @arnettwill & @SeanHayes, I’m pretty sure we’d be best friends if we ever met so can you stop punishing yourselves & let’s just get something pencilled in the diary 🤷🏼‍♂️

@RickyPerks @batemanjason This is an absolute must-watch!!!

@batemanjason @godinmanform

@RickyPerks I did think of tagging you in it 😂

@godinmanform I think you know how much I dislike this tweet

How do you say you’re middle class without saying you’re middle class #shoppinglisthistory #middleclassgoals

@watsoncomedian @RickyPerks there is still hope for us!! #jaiunechat

Sorry for eavesdropping but there are two French guys chatting nearby; one of them said 'I have two brothers' and went on to family pets, and it's raised my hopes that maybe real French people do speak exclusively in the phrases you learn at GCSE level.

Everyone stop panicking, I’ve got to the bottom of the Cost of Living crisis. The self-scanning till at my local supermarket kept duplicating my items. Explains why grocery bills have been higher recently. Faulty scanners are the root cause #CostOfLivingCrisis #Problemsolved

Just reading about @jacindaardern stepping down as NZ PM and I’m gutted. I was really hoping we could persuade her to come over here to be our PM and sort our lot out but now that looks like it’s off the cards #JacindaAdern #jacindaforUKPM

@mrdanwalker I think it’s a shameful indictment of our society that this is even a story. Can we not just get a grip and focus on our many bigger problems!! #whyisthisastory

What do you think?

@Brucey1 @lemontwittor That’s insane!! It’s all one toobs apparently

@lemontwittor @godinmanform

Someone asked if I could make #ludo from #labyrinth i already did! This is it, enjoy! #80smovies #craftypig

If trifle has fresh strawberries and blueberries in, does it count as 1 of your 5 a day and is therefore acceptable to have for breakfast? #AskingForAFriend #festiveseason

Pretty sure I say this every year but next year’s Christmas presents will be based solely on how easily they can be wrapped!!

Not sure what’s more English. The fact I think it’s highly inconsiderate that the person opposite me on the train is having a Teams meeting; or the fact I won’t say or do anything about it!! #englishproblems

@RickyPerks The “Britains Greatest Dinner Lady” comment has killed me 😂😂😂

Unpopular opinion of the day, Marcus Rashford was terrible last night & I just don’t get it?! His touch & end product in the most part was abysmal. Two goalkeeping & defensive errors gave him two goals but against a good side he will be completely ineffective.

So all that rain we didn’t get in the summer, we’re now getting in November #rainydays

Just reflecting on the chaos that the Just Stop Oil protests caused last week, and my highlight was Thursday morning seeing a roofing contractor getting a police escort along the M25 to help remove the protestors #notallheroeswearcapes

@RickyPerks 😂😂

@godinmanform If it goes wrong for Brando over there there looks like there will be a few jobs going on this side of the pond!! Would be a shame for all those banners to go to waste

Some pretty concrete facts there… I mean, I’m sold!! #MidtermElections

So yesterday I moved out all the mess from the flowerbed and made two piles of mess on the lawn!! #Productivity