Austin Guth

Smell life

A lull at the restaurant after a crazy lunch rush. My co-worker: “If we all download MonopolyGo rn we could make some serious money”

@paulscheer I forgot about this bullshit! pissed me off more than the slap. Number One is literally the Flash jumping on space rocks in a straight to DVD version of The Justice League?!? How did we NOT know it was you Fredo? Here’s looking at NO ONE! Sorry Simple Minds WE FORGOT!

I’m sorry…those are the top 5 “cheer moments” in movies EVER?! #AcademyAward

On a plane to CO, some lady is coming around asking every row for “wipes or anything you’d like to discard”. I’m just looking for a place to put this trash!

Lmaooooooo I won let’s gooooooo!!! #soxmath to the max!!! #whitesoxbaseballbaby & everyone should know soxmath is all about speed and feelings! No real calculations 😤 Let’s go White Sox!

Just got out of a 6 hour dentist appointment. I’ve now learned there are two types of people in this world: those that know what a Dental Dam is and those that don’t have insurance.

Have you guys heard of this term fullproof? As in this has the full amount of proof, therefore anyone could do it? Well I just found out the term is actually foolproof, and then I found out it’s not foolproof at all!!

Words belong to all.

I nominate Amy Klobuchar’s vibrating bangs.

@curtiskontney me llamo Rafael.

I’m sad that I don’t remember my 7th grade Spanish name.

@Jaconstrips3 This is a prime example of how, as a 21 year old man, I'm already prepared to be father of the year.

As men get older their sneezes get progressively louder, and once they've reached dad-sneeze volume, which is a full on yell, then they know it's time to become a father

@krustidurkin But @krustidurkin , have you even read the Bible!? It's hilarious.

Boy In Logan Square Bar Tries To Tell Me What Satire Is TO HIM, a novel based off a true life event

@Sean_Eri @CassKittie It's not the same and you know it @Sean_Eri

@CassKittie I got mine off brand on amazon for like $15 and it works fine

@krustidurkin Enlighten me.

@guuuuuth i get your thought process but like, no

marry fuck kill: john quincy adams, ben stiller, jamie lee curtis GO

@timheidecker When you got movies like Tom Cruise in them #vapenation

@Jake_Steelman @jjTheJetPlane46 Hey you! Say that again you piece of shit!

Hey college kids! Remember to eat today!