DoiliesFromHell

BEING 23 IN AUSTIN TX, 1991: Goofing around in Barton Creek w/friends, playing catch w/a plastic turtle. Some folks came up to scold us for abusing a real turtle but we showed them it was a plastic turtle from a toy store; they laughed & played catch w/us & shared their beers.

@octopuscaveman "hi, I'm dolores, representing the extra ketchup you asked for but they didn't put in the bag"

Hamburglar makes me really want to know what McDonald’s character ideas never made it. “This is Duncan he’s like a guy who shits in the fries”

@jkbjournalist I love the super-loud typing at the end. Gets me every time.

On TCM now. One of the best movies ever made about journalism.

@TThisbitchgay Well, the beauty of it is, it's not *my* printer, it's a shared one at work, at a grocery store, if that helps it make sense. The paper I fed into the printer had sat in a small puddle of egg white that had leaked from a carton on the desk. It's all Jared the Egg Guy's fault.

@hellyeahdoilies I would try to get any food residue out of the printer just bc it’ll decompose and attract mold/rot/bugs, but I feel like the printer itself would be fine

Question I never thought would need to be asked: Is it bad if raw egg whites get into a printer?

@wildethingy Are you sure? I've met some of my relatives & I'm not sure.

I come from a long line of people.

@baer10134 The Hip Replacements

#BodyPartsInBandsOrCelebs Average White Blood Cells Band

@TThisbitchgay Gay Sardine here to answer the call!

Just had an evil social interaction…. Need to look at pictures of fish… to recover…

@auspicetaker The cement is one of the MANY things in that book that still make me queasy after reading it 30-ish years ago.

just finished As I Lay Dying. brutal

@jamieloftusHELP Mystery airplanes dropping ranch dressing from the sky? WHHHAAATTT? I love, love, love the ridiculousness.

ok so as someone watching lost binge-style this is the greatest most unhinged show ever made, they were swinging for the fences every week. you're saying a meteor hit this kfc???? like it's awesome

@hhulbert Oh this is beautiful!

@mrpxssy hey, let's snort some powdered nyquil, it'll be fun

this shit is going to be pantone's color of the year if yous don't cut this shit out

@LindenmuthWendi I wouldn't want to own the kind of dragon that could *be* owned... and if I've done my homework, none of them really would.

Would you rather be a dragon or own a dragon?🤔

Today's earworm: "MULTPLE STAB WOUNDS" to the tune of "Ride of the Valkyries," you're welcome

@lockwooddewitt You know, I had a feeling today was an important holiday, I just couldn't remember which one!

It's the 50th Anniversary of Exploding Whale Day, the Quintessential Oregon Holiday! youtube.com/watch?v=V6CLum…

@octopuscaveman I want to hug him (but I wouldn't because that would damage him, being wet paint & all)

Paint is still wet. What do we think gang?

Today at work I got called darlin', sweetie, honey, doll, beautiful, and baby. Yep. Veterans Day.

@sarahkendzior Sometimes... well, sometimes I think innovation is overrated.

And you thought American innovation was dead...

@MomFromZoom Thank you. Sometimes the best part of my day is seeing the pictures of flowers you post, in case you've ever wondered if it matters. It does.

@hellyeahdoilies Praying for you

Gaaah. I've quit drinking (year & a half), but I find in these last few post-election bleak horrible days, try as I might... cash in pocket, 20+ liquor stores/bars on my way home from work... I'm drawing up lists in my head comparing pros/cons of Sober Me & Drunk Me. Halp. Now.

@MrsDoubleshot Thank you. Mark me safe at home; just finished knitting a hat (gray/green/blue with mock cables) & ready to call it a night.

I've already asked mother-in-law to think about how she has voted for the elimination of any future government benefits for her autistic grandson (my kid), she's got nothing to say. Fuck her. I don't care that she's 82 and grew up in a different time. FUCK.