Jack 💛

Fucked up in the crib drinking regular bock

Doctor says i need to be hooked up to a machine. doesn't know what kind yet. "definitely some kind of machine" he says

My 5 year plan is to become a completely different person. Failing that, a large piano is going to fall on my head

they’re lucky i wasn’t around for noah’s ark, they would’ve had to take 3 goats…

the only flag i salute

Final Destination

can’t even knock on wood these days. that’s why it’s all going bad. “knock on laminated particle board”. go fuck yourself. that’s insane

Hate when google tells me a bird I just saw is “very common”. The majesty of flight and the beauty of the natural world is anything but common

He died for our Zyns.

What’s the matter, babe? You haven’t even touched your Christ Krispy Treat... ✝️

Right you go into St Peter’s Basilica now with your CV. Tell them “I’ve got my baptismal cert and my confirmation, I would like to be the Pope please”. And you never know they could need a Cardinal somewhere or a Swiss Guard. The worst they can say is no.

Look, rookie. You think you know war, but here on Europa it's different. You're gonna know your squadmate's breath-frosted visor better than his face. Fingers so numb you don't know if you really pulled the trigger till the other guy drops

Probably like 50% of being a graphic designer is just being furious about something

Good Luck getting to Orbit, Losers LMAOOOOOO

When a man insults your hobbies don't take it personally just install a sports betting app on his phone and wait for him to kill himself

I appreciate seagulls. They are not noble but I will stick up for seagulls. The shore should be a lively place full of thieves.