Socially Emo, Fiscally Goth

(God creating human beings) Angel: almost done. Anything else? God: yeah, make it so they have to squeeze turds out once or twice a day Angel: haha God: haha

This reminds me of the beautiful bit @Fred_Delicious used to do about Bruce Willis

Following the presidential candidate’s numerous cringeworthy missteps and awkward moments on the campaign trail, The Onion asked Republicans to describe their strangest interaction with Gov. Ron DeSantis, and this is what they said. bit.ly/44RgYpG

sir 9/11 has just happened

@schizarella @thefurlinator Do you think not getting laid makes some one less than?

@biden2036 Beautiful!

pickguards on a Gibson Les Paul are so ugly, mine isn’t even drilled for one from factory💅🏻

@hailey__berg They call me DJ Tampax because my flow is so heavy

I also am become death it's not that big of a deal

@yungjac69 King shit

Got myself a new cowboy hat AND won $50 on lottery slots we are UP

@combatbaltimore I hate it

Hate this thing

What’s a pedal that’s cool but kind of sounds bad here’s my highly controversial opinion

@ItsPhetz A stool mule

@j0k0sb1txh @SUPERSAPPHlC … but she’s bisexual. All three of them are bisexual.

@SUPERSAPPHlC y’all gonna hate me for this but this is biphobic and y’all disgusting for excusing it lmao

oh my god...... literally wtf they just fully- like- like they- and she- and what-

@YoSoyRobertMera @AtheistTakes This is what the Mormon church used to tell me. It took me years to escape from them because of it. Ive read the Bible more times than most Christian people, so if I say something happened in the Bible, and it makes YOU uncomfortable, maybe your faith is just weak

@AtheistTakes When an atheists tells you ANYTHING about the Bible, NEVER believe them. Don’t give one single ounce of credit. If they tell you the Bible has someone named Jesus in it, DON’T BELIEVE THEM. Go check for yourself. Always.

Any time I see this I know I’m about to see a minion walking in a thong

@ilwiwfd You two give me life

@rubysometimes @ilwiwfd HA

Business expense drift event tomorrow

@bigdumfatidiot Girls love gay guys. Just ask my wife!

Quit trying to meet girls at the bar, just go to target dressed kinda gay

Your mom’s funeral procession was quite moving.

pronouncing hubris like debris

@FredTaming Pronouncing sponges the way it’s spelled