Eng. Ian Murimi

@ceraliza Matongo

Students of english, what do we call that thing that comes out from our eye in the morning I'm tired of pretending.

@KE_MrBlack It is okoloko

I can't pretend anymore, what is the meaning of "O" in the O'clock?😂😂

@IamPaulKemboi @MissAlly_01 😂😂😂 enda ukalale

@MissAlly_01 @ianmurimi You need to apologize to me You got me

To stop ants coming in to your house leave a saucer of milk outside. The adult ants drink it & it has an effect on ant reproduction. The young are born without toes so they can't climb in to your cavity walls. This effect is called lack toes in toddler ants.

@al1ano @Kingsley_papa @Kalasinga_ Of course drum brakes are rear…

@ianmurimi @Kingsley_papa @Kalasinga_ Rear

How Isuzu convinced so many rich Kikuyus to buy the Kipchoge Dmax's should be studied. I'm in a small village in Nyeri and I'm looking at three orange ones. No way they sold just 159 of them.

@Kingsley_papa @Kalasinga_ You mean they use drum brakes ?

@Kalasinga_ Mimi shida yangu ni selling a 10m pick-up with drum brakes, kwani disc brakes shingapi. Hapo Isuzu hawakufanya poa

My father never came to a single thing I invited him to. Not my primary school graduation. Not my secondary school prize giving where I collected 3 awards and kept looking at the gate. Not my university matriculation. Not the ceremony when I got called to bar in 2012. I'd send him the date weeks in advance and he'd say I'll try and that was always the full sentence. I'll try. No follow up. No explanation after. My mother would sit in his place and clap loud enough for 2 people. I stopped inviting him after the bar call. Not from anger. Some people love you completely and still cannot show up and after a while you stop making them feel guilty about it. He was not a bad man. I want to be clear about that. He was a mechanic in Mushin for 35 years. Worked 6 days a week. Sent every one of us to school. Never raised his hand. Never left. The lights stayed on and the rent was paid and there was always food and he did all of it quietly without asking to be celebrated. He just could not sit in a plastic chair and watch something. I accepted that and moved on. Last year I bought my first property. A flat in Ojodu. Took 9 years of saving and 2 years of paperwork and a lawyer who nearly finished me. When the keys finally came I sat in the empty flat on the floor for an hour just breathing. I called my mother first. She screamed. My sister cried. I didn't call my father. 3 days later he called me. Said he heard about the flat from my mother. Said he wanted to come and see it. I didn't know what to do with that so I just said okay. Gave him the address. Figured he'd say I'll try and we'd never speak of it again. He showed up on Saturday at 9am. Stood at the door in his good agbada. The one he only wears for serious things. Holding a small nylon bag. I let him in and he walked through every room without speaking. Not quickly. Slowly. Like he was counting something. He checked the pipes under the kitchen sink. Knocked on the walls. Opened and closed the windows twice each. Looked at the ceiling in every room the way only a man who has fixed things his whole life looks at ceilings. Then he came and stood in the sitting room and looked at me. Said the pipework is good. Said the windows seal properly. Said whoever built this knew what they were doing. I nodded. Long silence. Then he opened the nylon bag. Inside was a small framed photo. Me at maybe 7 years old sitting on the bonnet of an old car in his workshop. Grinning. Both legs swinging. He's standing beside me with his hand on my shoulder looking at something outside the frame. I remember that day. I had gone to the workshop after school and he let me sit there while he worked and gave me a Fanta and put a Michael Jackson cassette on the small radio. I didn't know anyone had taken a photo. He said he kept it on his workshop table for 22 years. Said he wanted me to have something for the new place. I held that frame and stood very still. He said he knew he missed things. Said he was not good at the sitting and watching. That crowds made something in him go wrong in a way he never knew how to explain. Then he said the flat was good and he was proud and he asked if there was anything in the kitchen because he hadn't eaten. I laughed. Made him eggs and bread while he sat at my kitchen table in his good agbada like he owned the place. We ate and he told me about a car he was working on. I told him about a case that was giving me trouble. Normal conversation. The kind we should have been having for years. He left at 1pm. At the door he gripped my shoulder the same way he did in that photo. Didn't say anything. Didn't need to. The photo is on my sitting room wall now. First thing I hung in the whole flat. Some fathers cannot sit in the plastic chair. But mine drove to Ojodu in his good agbada on a Saturday morning with a 22 year old photograph in a nylon bag. That was his standing ovation. I just didn't know to look for it in that shape.

@drunkest_user @Mnauwoo 😂😂😂

@Mnauwoo ASpire to INspire before you EXpire

kuna motivational speaker alikuwa anashinda akiletwa high school yetu alikuwa anasema ati tuite NOvember YESvember😭😭

@Lwkpetite Tiddies?

@ItsChanzu @Ronoh__ Kuna bunker kwa ile house afanye ile kitu?

Idk man....

A woman gets meaner, when she doesn't want you anymore. A man gets calmer, when he doesn't want you anymore. Watch the difference !!!!!!!!!

@WaruiJohn2 So bibi yako Ndio Nzige ? 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 lakini I support you, sioni shida!

Lakini niwaulize, Nikieza kuwa billionaire in my 40s and 50s na niamue kudate tudem twa between 22-26 kulipisha miaka yangu iliyokuliwa na Nzige, kuna shida?? Bora nimejengea Bibi Karen na watoto wanasoma international school..kuna shida?

@Iam_TheInsider @ignyharaz2 Fanya kwa wholesalers not supermarket

@ignyharaz2 Shopping gani ya 15k ita sustain watoi wawili pamoja na wife msee? You probably talking of kitu 25k ukienda juu bana

Breakdown of this. Age 40±5 years Married with Kids 2 under 10 yers Location rentals Nairobi. 1 Mazda demio ya loan Sacco loan for business or construction at home Responsible 1. CBC school fees in a private academy each kid 10k p.m 2. 2 bedroom in utawala ksh. 20k 3. Car loan ksh. 20k. 4. Family shopping p.m 15k 5. Unemployed wife allowance ksh 10k 6. Car fuel and services 20k p.m (or transport fare cost of 15k per month for footshubish) 7. Family at home ksh. 10k 8. Taxes taxes of about 15k p.m 9. Savings per month 10k 10. Personal loan service of 10k p.m 11. Self care, ulevi, umalaya, welfare, black tax, paste contributions ksh. 5k p.m 12. Water, electricity, wifi, and all other monthly bills of 5k. 13. Miscellaneous of 10k p.m Total ksh. 180k, monthly income 100k.

He faked an injury, stormed the field… and turned it into a proposal. Legendary ending 😂💍

Technically, this is one of the most perfectly executed headers in football history

💄Black top Transformation 🖤🖤

@kamauwaruhiu @johnnjenga

Deep down safaricom would want the money in your mpesa to have an expiry date . Lakini mungu sio mfupi kama ndegwa.

A very underrated life decision is marrying someone who wants a simple life.

If a man caught you cheating, don't bother begging just respect yourself and leave. Men don't ever forgive cheating

The Feeling that women will never understand🥺

@Ojayy031 @BrianOpangao 😂😂😂😂😂

@BrianOpangao Hii n ukweli kabsa, she was like ooh yeah my loya,,, don't adjourn your honor,,,,

Ni mshamba lakini najua on that fateful day Strait of Hormuz ilikuwa imejaa white precipitate ukimuambia don't stop.. I just can't prove it...