Helen Byers🌈❤💙🐝

@fesshole Obviously more than just dental hygiene issues going on there.

My husband brushes his teeth only once a day and I am going to leave him because of it.

18 years ago, I went skydiving in a very thin and low-cut top. That video is that skydiving company's most viewed clip. I look matronly these days but that view count and "I'd hit it" comments pick me up when I'm low.

@fesshole She knows, the dog cam is a way of getting you to confess

Wife wants to get a dog cam to see what our dog gets up to when we're at work. This is a huge issue. Wife thinks I work Mon-Fri. But I stopped working fridays two years ago. On fridays I pretend to go to work in the morning & come back home once she has left. What should I do?

@fesshole Dash In A Real Rush Hurry Or Else Accident is how I remember

I'm a GP. I'm not confident that I know how to correctly spell diarrhoea without having to look it up, which in front of a patient is awkward. So I just wrote in the patient's notes "got the shits".

@fesshole This is not normal, book an appointment with your GP

I've reached an age (49) at which shitting with my knackered old rectal muscles leaves me literally panting for breath for several seconds after I've finally achieved my dirty goal. I wish I was in any way exaggerating for comic effect but I'm not.

@fesshole Life is too short to wear matching socks

My partner has lots of striped socks. Some with different coloured stripes, some with narrow stripes, some with wide stripes and some just slightly different. I hate them. It takes ages to find a pair. We're moving house this week. He doesn't know it, but I've binned the lot.

@fesshole You truly are a wonderful human ❤

I feel that the best part of my job as a paramedic isn't the saving of lives or the delivering of babies, although they come close. The part of the job I love the most is making a cup of tea for elderly patients, such as after a fall.

@ChrisBland5 was lovely seeing you today. We definitely need a catch up x

@Relwots 🤣

@m1cvv 💔

Truly one of the nicest men I've ever met and one of the greatest people I've ever worked with. So many fond memories inside and outside the Metro Radio studios with Bri. I'm absolutely gutted. RIP Brain Moore 💔

@HastingsDirect just checked my statement for last year and they did it then as well thieving bastards!

@hastingsdirect have stolen money from me, 2 years in a row! No paperwork sent they thinknits fine just to take money from your account. I'm fuming!

@fesshole Until they start buying sugar free ketchup which is also disgusting

Dad of toddler here. Wife insists on getting the sugar-free baked beans. I gave up complaining. Instead, I just add a squirt of ketchup when no-one's looking. Everyone wins. She gets to stay on the moral high ground. Me and the little'un don't have to eat horrid beans.

@joetracini I feel rather similar, I didn't realise how much lock down had affected me and then lost Mam in June 2021 and Dad Sept 2021. I've lost who I am and seeing everyone (seemingly) carry on with life has me questioning myself and self worth all the time. You do what you need to live

Morning, just wanted to tell how I’m feeling and why. Sorry that it’s not very christmassy xx

@Georgeatasda I need some help regarding a return I have made. Can someone DM me please?

@ChrisBland5 @Acyn A lot

@Acyn Er, yes we did.

Trump: Nobody laughed at our country when I ran it.

@SaraDaviesCC just watched your episode of Robson Greens wknd escape. I am in awe of you, I wouldn't have been on the edge nevermind jumped off. Amazing!

@fesshole She already knows

My wife occasionally asks me, "What would you do if I died?" I don't have the heart to tell her that I've got a list in the Notes app on my phone.

@Nowtsabother Trouble is there are always others to fill the vacancies left by people who have just had enough