Luke (GE)

@Naomikibandi Where is the child factored in in that arrangement? We don't have 3 terms because of parents bit because of the well bring of the child but kuna wazazi hawataki watoto nyumbani

Dear Parents,do you support we have two school terms due to high expenses?

@BenkaCentral A good classic case pale Karatina market

They build a 300M five-storey concrete market that looks like a residential block or perhaps a jail. The order is given: every mama mboga must move from the roadside into these modern halls. Mama Jane moves her crates to the 4th floor. She stocks up on fresh spinach, tomatoes, and avocados. She waits. She’s optimistic for the new market. But there’s a problem. For a week, her loyal customers climb the stairs. It’s a workout for a bunch of spinach. By week two, the goodwill support fades. No one wants to climb to the 4th floor for a 50-bob bag of sukuma wiki when they can find it on their way home at the corner grocery. Mama Jane watches her capital wither. Day 1: The spinach is vibrant. Day 3: It’s yellowing. Day 5: The tomatoes start to weep. She reinvests her savings once, then twice. But you can’t sell what people can’t reach. The math stops adding up. Mama Jane locks her stall. She isn't alone, 10 others on her floor do the same. Soon, the 4th floor is a tomb. Then the 3rd. Then the 2nd. The same politicians who cut the ribbon now walk through the empty, echoing halls. They scratch their heads and tell the cameras: "Tuliwajengea soko kubwa, lakini hamtaki kufanya biashara. Kwani mnataka nini?"

Imara steel did not come to play with KRA. There is a company called Imara steel. They cook metals to make mabati in Industrial Area, Nairobi. In 2022, as they were busy cooking metals, KRA was busy cooking their tax bill at Times Tower. When KRA was done, what came out was 3.9B. This bill covered 5 years. - 2015, 2016, 2017,2018, 2019 Next morning, KRA airdropped the bill to Imara steel email. When the director arrived at the office, the accountant stormed in. Akamsalimia. Then served him the bill even before chai. The director looked at the numbers. He could not believe it. He thought his magnifying glasses were magnifying the numbers. He removed them. He saw the same mad numbers live live. • 3.9B. He went nuts. • Lesson 1: Never allow your accountant into your office before the tea person. Director ordered the accountant to turn the fans on. There is no electricity. He is now worked up proper. The accountant sneaked out. And immediately embarked on a fault finding mission. He came back with disturbing findings: 1. KRA was out of time for 2015 and 2016. Those years were beyond the 5 year statutory audit limit. Unless there is fraud. KRA had shown no fraud. 2. KRA had assumed 23% profit margins. Figures Imara had never achieved. Wakasema baas. This is it. They wrote an objection / protest letter to KRA. Explained everything. And demonstrated they had paid taxes to the last cent. KRA could not hear any of it. They only wanted 3.9B. In June 2022, KRA rejected the objection. And confirmed Imara must pay the 3.9B. All this time, the accountant is not sleeping nor eating. Amekanyanga tu wire. Then something interesting happened. KRA sent the rejection letter to the wrong email. And never realized. So 60 days passed. No response is received from KRA. Imara knew the law. If KRA does not respond within 60 days, your protest is deemed accepted. They knew they had won. Director called the party. Six months later, in Dec 2022, KRA came back with threats. We want the 3.9B. Pay or we freeze your bank accounts. Imara responded: Guys, but you accepted our objection. KRA said: Noo. We rejected it and emailed you. Here is the proof. Pay us up ASAP. Imara looked at it and said: Guys, that is not our email. Everyone at Times tower got shocked. How did that happen? KRA said: OK the email was wrong. But tax is yours. Lipa. As KRA is doing all this, they are unaware of two dangerous sentences in Kenyan tax law. They read: • KRA cannot audit past 5 years without proving fraud • KRA must respond to objections within 60 days Imara ran to court. - Argued it cannot pay tax on rejection notices served out of time. The tax appeal tribunal agreed the rejection letter was communicated to Imara out of time. But still asked Imara to bring fresh evidence to dispute the tax. Later the Tribunal ruled the evidence was not enough. • Imara was ordered to pay 3.9B. KRA retreated to Times Towers celebrating. Imara ran straight to the high court. - It argued that it cannot pay tax out of rejection notices served to them out of time. The judge looked at the case. Then invoked the 2 dangerous sentences. You remember them? - No audits beyond 5 years without fraud - No rejection after 60 days The judge sided with Imara. - Imara was ordered to pay nothing. - And KRA was ordered to pay legal costs to Imara. Case closed. Lesson 2. • Everyone needs an accountant trained kukanyanga wire. • KRA cannot audit beyond 5 years without proving fraud. • If KRA misses the 60 days, call the party. You have won.

@WashiraX I have had no interest in tax matters in the past as I considered it 'a difficult matter' to comprehend but thanks to you,I am becoming the principal trainer 😄

Court has warned KRA to go for real thieves, not NIL filers. There is a company called Kapwell Enterprises Limited. Their business is not complicated. They sell cargo clearing and forwarding services. When they started, they had no one to show them mashimo. They only had hope and determination. They hit the road. 2013, no deal. 2014, zero deal. 2015, no nothing. Kazi ni kufile tu NIL returns. As the director was busy tarmacking and accumulating tiny stones under his shoe heels, Some crooks had stolen & were busy importing goods using Kapwell’s KRA PIN. In 2018, Kapwell has known mashimo. They are minting real money. KRA notices. They decided to audit. Checking their internal customs system, they discovered that Kapwell’s PIN had imported goods worth 25M in 2013 and 2014. Yet they had filed NIL returns faithfully. KRA went mad. They took the 25M, added a fictitious 20% profit margin, computed income tax, VAT, penalties and interest, and slapped Kapwell with a tax bill of 11M. Next morning at 3am, the director akagurumuka. He reached for his phone to check time. Saw an email notification. Hoping it was a client, he opened it. Bahati mbaya, it was KRA. Delivering the bill. Sleep ended instant. • Lesson 1: usiku wacha simu sitting room. At dawn, without even taking tea, he rushed to KRA to report a system error. Akaambiwa ndugu keti. He was shown mad numbers on the screen. He swore he had never imported such goods. KRA wakamwabia hii utalipa. He ran to the police and reported a case of identity theft. Got an OB number. Took it back to KRA and asked them to investigate who had used his company PIN. He even gave them a list of competitors he suspected. He then served KRA all of his bank statements. They were all zeros for those years. But KRA could not hear any of it. As KRA is doing all this, it is unaware of one dangerous sentence chilling quietly in Kenyan tax law. It reads: • KRA SHALL make inquiries into all tax issues raised by a taxpayer. Make sure to underline the word SHALL. MANDATORY. KRA did not investigate. Their position was: • PIN ni yako. 11M ni yako. Lipa. Frustrated, he ran to court. The Tribunal asked KRA: Where is your investigation report? - KRA said hakuna. Tribunal invoked the one dangerous sentence. You still remember it? • KRA SHALL make inquiries. Tribunal ruled that the word SHALL is MANDATORY. Tribunal concluded Kapwell was a victim of identity theft. 11M tax was set aside. You would think that is the end. Noo. KRA retreated to Times Tower swearing: 11M haiwezi enda hivo. Aje? They appealed to the High Court. In court, Kapwell was asked: Why don’t you want to pay tax under your PIN ndugu? He responded: My lord, I have no problem paying taxes. But not for goods I never bought, never touched, and never sold. The good judge asked him: What do you mean? He responded: My Lord, if you owe your landlord 100K. You take the 100k bundle to his office and hand it to him. As he starts counting, a thief storms in, orders everyone down, and in the confusion the landlord throws the money back at you. The thief grabs it and disappears. Have you paid rent or not? The court went silent. The judge asked him: Kapwell what are you saying? He replied: My Lord, who should the landlord pursue for the money? You the tenant or the thief? Judge removed his spectacles. Paused. Then sided with Kapwell. The 11M tax was set aside. KRA wakaambiwa waende watafute wezi wawalipe. Case closed. Lesson 2. • KRA cannot tax a victim of identity theft. • KRA must go for the real beneficiary thief.

@footballontnt Tijjani needs to just leave, such a poor play from him and Marmoush

Pep Guardiola ran straight to Tijjani Reijnders after Nico González's winner 🤝 The midfielder was substituted just a minute before the goal 🔄

@TherealMayour @TouchlineX You will win

@TouchlineX Manchester city will not win tonight. Bookmark this.

🚨 𝗡𝗘𝗪: Pep Guardiola has left his coaching chair and has started to sit with Marmoush, Aké and all the other players! 😂

@WelBeast You can now cry

If Manchester City don’t win the league from here it will be the biggest bottle job in the history of the sport.

@lawrencekitema @SafaricomPLC Maybe they are paying well for advertisement because I updated but nothing is working, I had to uninstall and install again, the app is sluggish and at times unresponsive. Inform them am disappointed

My OneApp users can now enjoy an improved and seamless experience after @SafaricomPLC rolled out version 5.1.5, now available on the Play Store, with key updates including: ✅ The restoration of the “Favourites” tab within transactions, allowing users to easily save and access frequently used contacts. ✅ Enhancements to the “Frequents” section, enabling quicker access to the most-used services and apps. Update your OneApp here: bit.ly/4mFrh9L

@Safaricom_Care you guys need to do away with this stress of the oneapp or whatever it is. Actually I hadn't complained of having multiple apps with different services from Safaricom. You said it is now updated for Android and here I am having an unresponsive app on my phone

@pgichangi @marcusolang @SafaricomPLC Please just stop, this thing is the most disappointing app on my phone..... I received the update message and link, tapped it and now the app isn't even opening leave alone sending money. Bure, bure kabisa

@marcusolang @SafaricomPLC Hi Marcus, We have resolved the issues faced before. If using Android, please update it to the latest stable version below: play.google.com/store/apps/det…

The best thing about the new Safaricom M-PESA app (or MyOneApp or My-OneApp or whatever the variation du jour is) is the fact that I’ve been completely disincentivised from using M-PESA. The savings made on transaction costs this past week alone… Thank you, @SafaricomPLC! 😍😍

@SPUKenya Do you have a postgraduate dip on leadership and management?

Courses Offered at St Paul's University CERTIFICATE * Certificate in Business Management * Certificate in Business Information Technology * Certificate in Computer Science * Certificate in Communication * Certificate in Community Development and Social Work * Certificate in Criminology and Security Management * Certificate in Information Technology DIPLOMA * Diploma in Clinical medicine and surgery * Diploma in Business Management * Diploma in Peace building and conflict resolution * Diploma in Kenya Sign Language * Diploma in health records management * Diploma in Hotel and Catering Management * Diploma in Leadership and Management * Diploma in Community Development * Diploma in Counseling Psychology * Diploma in Criminology and Security Studies * Diploma in Education (Arts) * Diploma in Business Information Technology * Diploma in Social Work * Diploma in Communication * Diploma in Public Relations * Diploma in Computer Science * Diploma in Film * Diploma in Theology * Diploma in Information Technology and Cyber Security * Diploma in Journalism BACHELOR’S (UNDERGRADUATE) * Bachelor of Arts in Communication * Bachelor of Arts in Community Development * Bachelor of Arts in Counseling Psychology * Bachelor of Arts in Criminal Justice and Security Studies * Bachelor of Arts in Leadership and Management * Bachelor of Arts in Peace and Conflict Studies * Bachelor of Arts in Social Work * Bachelor of Business Administration and Management * Bachelor of Business and Information Technology * Bachelor of Commerce * Bachelor of Computer Science * Bachelor of Science in Computing and Information Systems * Bachelor of Science in Health Records Management and Informatics * Bachelor of Science in Health Systems Management and Economics * Bachelor of Science in Nursing * Bachelor of education ( Arts) * Bachelor of Education in Early childhood * Bachelor of Translation studies * Bachelor of Divinity MASTERS * Master of Arts in Communication Studies * Master of Arts in Counseling Psychology * Master of Arts in Islam and Christian-Muslim Relations * Master of Arts in Sociology * Master of Arts in Transformational Leadership * Master of Business Administration (MBA) * Master of Development Studies * Master of Education (Early Childhood Studies) * Master of Purchasing and supply chain Management * Master of Public Administration and Policy * Master of Theology * Masters of theology in ecumenical leadership PhD * PhD in Communication * PhD in Business Administration and Management * PhD in Development Studies * PhD in Theology

@eng_xuser @kipkoecheruiyot You either have never been in certain situations or you are just ignorant which is very dangerous for you and the society

@kipkoecheruiyot You don’t manage patients from early enough. You bring up CS when women are already in pain in labor room. What decisions do you expect? You need to measure your doctoring. Then come to social media and celebrate. Do you see Morticians talk here?

Some time ago, I begged someone to consent to a cesarean section. There was a clear fetal indication for CS. She declined. She ultimately gave birth normally, but the baby didn’t score well. She even celebrated that she had been coerced into a CS but ultimately gave birth normally, that is what she told fellow mothers in labour. A year later, I met her, the child hasn’t even sat without support. I felt sad. I couldn’t even talk with her. Some things drain you emotionally.

@MwangoCapital TVETA should compensate them, it is their failure and that body should be disbanded first

What happens to all those who took courses at the college now?

@SafaricomPLC @Vee_TN Just lying here and there

@Vee_TN Hi, Vee. This was awarded to customers whose MPESA App auto updated to OneApp since they had automatic updates on their phones during cutover to One App. ^NW

Mbona mimi sijapata iyo 1GB yakusema sorry about that one app yenu @SafaricomPLC

A man stands strongest not by his own might, but by the faith he places in God. Trust Him, walk with Him, and let Him guide every step.

@Safaricom_Care @Kvaati Unless you say you are finding market for your bundles, you can't talk of security logins through bundles, for security reasons you can do better than restrict us to buying bundles yet we are paying for WiFi

@Kvaati Hello @Kvaati, apologies for that. Please use mobile data to access the app as we work to resolve the connection through WiFi. ^JK

Hey @Safaricom_Care i am on Home Fiber your network and i cant access this app 😂😂😂😂 Who even came up with this crap??

@Safaricom_Care Please just migrate my earlier account to the new app

@jacobz_cool Hello, sorry about that, kindly access your profile, select feedback, follow the prompt, submit the remark to enable a follow up. ^NM

Setting up #MyOneApp while abroad? Here’s what you need: ✅ Safaricom SIM set as your primary SIM ✅ Roaming services active on your line ✅ Mobile data (not WiFi) for your first login After that, switch back to WiFi anytime! #PopoteUlipo

@Safaricom_Care Kindly guide me on this, I can't find 'feedback' on ziidi