jacqueline fisher

Seeing fall out boy tomorrow for the second time and I know it’s going to even more out of this world

me getting stopped by the national guard in the subway station:

after u do your laundry u should be allowed to get in the dryer and tumble for a little. no charge

Not my family having a convo about what a pay pig is at dinner 😂 never thought I would hear those words come out of my fathers mouth LOL

Lol my prom date blocked me on Instagram 😂 this has me screaming

I turn 31 in six days…. What the fuck

Why is blowing your nose in public so embarrassing ?? Like everyone does it but I always feel so cringe when I have to

I get to meet my nephew tomorrow and I am so excited 🥹

Your last selfie is who you are on the outside and your last meme is who you are on the inside

Finally did my winger eyeliner PERFECT… so naturally 30 minutes into work I rubbed my eye wiping one side completely off 🙃

How dare my bf ask me when we are planning to take down our Christmas tree…. It’s only march

That’s hot

@holy_schnitt Simply could never. I’d say naurrrrr immediately

went on a date with an australian man and didn’t imitate his accent or say “naur” even once and I think we should all be really proud of me for pulling that off

@cowboylike_meg OMG I LOVEEEE

I did a valentine photo shoot and now you all have to see it, sorry!

@ all the straights I work with 😂

ur so beautiful 2 me

Next tattoo scheduled teheehheheheh

Sometimes I like to have really strong coffee at work for the thrill of feeling cracked out and confusing my co workers

Your monthly reminder that people can see if you look at their Instagram stories so once again all the dudes from my HS who are sending my stories to the ones who don’t follow me, you’re not slick 😂

The lady doing my pedicure just looked at my feet and goes “very big” 😂😂