Jamie Shoesmith

Doesn’t make a huge difference grand scheme of things, but locking up and heading and over to bluesky now. Hope to be back some other time, but this place isn’t worth my time thanks, Elon.

@AccidentalP #accidentalpartridge

@fesshole Needed a couple of coatings.

Last week I tried to spray waterproof my wife's brand new outdoor jacket. Used spray adhesive by mistake and had to secretively purchase another £235 item, get next day delivery and tell her the proofing took 48 hours to dry. Fuck it.

@jayforeman Nous sommes les hommes Et voila! La cartes

Are the Red Hot Chilli Peppers really actually from California? They ought to mention that more often in their songs.

Yes, Daft Punk would have been amazing. Yes, they were probably approached and said non merci. If it ain’t on their own terms, they don’t do it. And they’re not coming out of retirement for this.

Family holiday in Devon and I’m the only one doing as the Romans do. #creamfirst

The soap opera is over. #GeneralElection #EastEnders

@Nick_Pettigrew Possession: Trente perzente.

Ich nichten lichten. #Thefootball

Re-sponsoring myself with duct tape after Corrs said no to the 1997 reproduction. Would’ve worn my original but needed to dislocate both arms to get into it. #QKLIVE

Never change, Spain. #Eurovision2024

Nope. They shouldn’t be competing. Next act. #Eurovision2024

Hi #EUROVISION2024! You’re on mute, Graham.

@DanielMaguireFC True true! Tiny consolation was having KH and Ben White in the fantasy team when we got the spanking…

@jamesfarrier I’m giving you credit here surely? 😅 You were bang on it!

I need someone to tell me how I should feel about this transfer, I have no idea.

@DanielMaguireFC Oh you utter bastard for liking this tweet when it became prophetically true!!!!! 😝

@DanielMaguireFC You’ll probably bring the next level out of him. Clueless as to why we’re selling off to main rivals, though.

@TwopTwips MARK CLATTENBURG. Save time and breath by simply shouting “All of you lot, ready” just the once.