johnny longjohns

stopped using exclamation points in work messages so my coworkers know they've killed my spirit

me at the job i begged god for

their friendship was so amazing

i thought labubu was the new word for a lobotomy

I’m only back on twitter by popular demand,, after dozens of friends texted me numerous times a day; begging me to return to this app to share all my most important thoughts—

new show idea: Survivor on the Spectrum

happy short king week (5/5-5/9) to those who celebrate!!!

@percab333th I thought this was Chris Martin for a split second

would y’all get mad at me if I told you who I thought this was

rock music

the year is 2025 and I’m scrolling through old tweets alone in my room: “back in my day I was kind of a big deal. I once had a tweet that got 16 likes”

bro last night was a computer

I miss seeing what your friends favorited on Twitter. That’s how you really knew who was a freak

@PhilStevenson98 @CoachKatiePSU I’m sure she will. I wasn’t talking about her :)

@jena_pots I know @CoachKatiePSU will have the girls ready for battle tomorrow afternoon

But can she win the big one? 👀

@chiweethedog This is how rfk got brain worms :/

every other day without exaggeration I think about that one post where the person said to never eat leftover rice from the refrigerator even if you reheat it and that it has parasites and worms or something. because I make rice every week and I always have leftover rice in fridge

hey, sorry for the late reply, i allowed your message to pass through my mind like a sparkling-scaled trout in a clear mountain stream

American ermine (stoat) in Yellowstone National Park

I’d be dead if I was in a quiet place because I blow my nose too much

@Emoneyy17 peeñus

Nothing more american than a piña on a hot day like this