🧪Kidney Kardashian🧪

Woke up next to @paulmastroianni and asked him how Club Confessions was and he looked at me all bleary eyed and said “Lindsey Graham died,” then went back to sleep. Ok?

If you have never experienced 4-5 drinks with friends followed by subway ride with headphones you have not had the closest thing we have to heaven on this earth

This motherfucker never quits

Just found out SSENSE is pronounced essence I been pronouncing it like a snake

Finally some good news

KOKO: Koko birkin bag. Practical Koko possession bag RESEARCHER: No, Koko. You can’t have a Birkin bag. KOKO: Good Birkin good Koko give beautiful Koko deserve gorilla RESEARCHER: Koko, we simply can’t afford a Birkin bag. It is an unjustifiable expense. KOKO: jealousy professor

it's always a sufjan stevens summer (being nostalgic for a past you weren't even happy in)

Me too but I never clocked it till now

Hey! We would love to see you but we're busy this weekend. Just with the kids and everything. Have such a good time tho!

NYC Sanitation has entered its cunty era

whenever a pepito* post goes viral I am reminded of possibly one of my favourite tweets of all time

i saw goody proctor speaking with her good friend mitch mcconnell this morning

@clevercorvidae_ some people get this from lactation (its called DMER) and nobody warns you it could happen so you go home with a newborn baby and 10-15 times a day you feel like you are about to die ¨̮ one of the many joys of reproduction

i understand the point of this post but i also think many of you absolutely do not understand that impending sense of doom is an incredibly different feeling than anxiety

Bro last night was The Home of an Indulgent Mother

them tomorrow

really annoyed that everybody is trying to assure melanie sincere likes her. that’s not the fucking point. I would have been in that bitch like melanie if you go back to sincere i’m going to slash my throat in soul ties and change the trajectory of everyone’s life

We had a really mean python at work and I gave him back to his owner and was like “he was trying to kill me” and his owner said “well, he only has so many ways to interact with the world. All he has is a face” and it Moved Me

@thedigitaldash_ it’s the Citizen Kane of reality TV

> Have an uncomfortable acute issue > Aware of a medication that solves said issue > Go to the doctor > Doctor prescribes medication > soliddogz.png > Next day go to pharmacy to pick up medication > Walk up to pharma bro > "Oh this one isn't ready yet" > whynotdogz.png > "Oh you need prior authorization from insurance for this one" > okdogz.png > Go home, go to sleep > Wake up > Experience uncomfortable issue > Realize that prior authorization takes at least five days, uncomfortable issue will be gone by then > Realize this is a new medication and insurance rarely covers it > Go back to pharmacy > Ask pharma bro, "can I just cash pay this?" > "No" > whynotdogz.png > "Oh we don't have this in stock so I need to order it" > "dogz why did you not order this yesterday if you could literally see you don't have it" > Pharma bro is literally gobsmacked > Unable to produce a coherent answer > It's ok bro dw > My mom is a pharmacist and I get it's a stressful job > Ask pharma bro, do any other Walgreens have it > "Idk" > What do you mean idk > "I can't check inventory of any other Walgreens" > wtfdogz.png > Go home > Spend 20 minutes calling every Walgreens in the San Francisco Bay Area > No one has it > I was not aware I was being treated with medicine rarer than an ancient Egyptian artefact > Out of frustration, call CVS > "Yeah we have one box" > win.png > Ask new pharma bro, can you just transfer my prescription from the Walgreens? > Pharma bro says sure, it'll take about two hours, I'll text you when it's done > Two hours go by > No text > Call CVS > Automated system is now refusing to give me pharma bro > Fuck it I guess I'll just go in person > Go see pharma bro > Oh hey, you were supposed to transfer my prescription > Oh yeah, they just didn't want to do that > wtfdogz.png > Why didn't they want to do that > Oh I don't know, they just didn't want to do it > If you want, you can just call them > Why didn't you text me? > Pharma bro is literally gobsmacked > Unable to produce a coherent answer > It's ok pharma bro. My mom was a pharmacist and I get it's a stressful job > Sitting in CVS now, calling Walgreens > 20 minute hold > Finally get to original pharma bro > Hey can you transfer this prescription to CVS? > Ok let me talk to my manager > Five minute hold, pharma bro gets back on the phone > Oh yeah, actually cause this is a schedule IV controlled substance, we can't transfer it > wtfdogz.png > I happen to have been googling this during my hold > There is no law against transferring it in California > "Oh yeah, we have a policy" > "We can transfer it to other Walgreens, but not to other chains" > Oh ok, do any other Walgreens have this > "dogz I literally have no fucking clue, we've been over this" > We are mutually facepalming at this point > "But you can call your doctor and get them to send a new prescription to CVS" > Look down at my phone > It's 5:32 on a Friday > My doctor's office is closed over the weekend > At this point I am higuruma.png > The system has utterly and completely defeated me > Wasted several hours on this failed endeavour > Go home > Am uncomfortable from my acute issue > The medicine arrives on Tuesday

in ap lang we had an assignment where we read past exam essays and guessed what they scored and this one became a biblical text in my friend group for years