John

@alistairlord @fesshole Have you seen Hamlet?

@fesshole This is Alan Partridge, as dry as a bone... It's better than that...it's worthy of the bard himself.

I can recite every ruddy word of the original BBC Radio 4 series of Knowing Me Knowing You with Alan Partridge. All six episodes, 18 interviews in total. This is a useless ability, so I hope that it will at least generate Partridge memes and gifs in the replies.

@fesshole Wank with your left hand instead of your right?

I want to have an affair. The problem: I don't have a partner to cheat on in the first place

@fesshole Followed you with a comb.... That's grooming.....

I hated my teacher. She followed me around with a comb, sent me to the toilets to wash my face, straightened my tie, made my life hell. Now I realise I was grubby little oik and she was being caring in trying to tidy me up.

@RobertLogan86 @fesshole Probably his sparring partner Graeme Le Saux... Famously known to dislike the sport he made his money from.

@fesshole David Batty

Come to Fesshole Live in 2026! Tickets on sale for Manchester, Hull, Glasgow, Luton & Cambridge. Sweden Tour visits Malmö, Göteborg and Stockholm, and Anon Opin hits Glasgow. Best of Fesshole, audience confessions, secret history & more: sites.google.com/view/fesshole

@benonwine Most UK schools won't even admit they have a bullying problem because it doesn't look good on the Ofsted reports. They sweep it under the carpet or try to placate the bully.

A 10-year-old boy is dead because he was driven to suicide by constant bullying he received at school. Sammy Teusch of Greenfield, Indiana was bullied up until the night he took his own life according to his family. Bullied over his glasses. Bullied over his teeth. Day after day. His parents didn’t ignore it. They didn’t stay quiet. They went to the school 20 times asking for help, that’s 20 TIMES! Nothing changed. He was mocked. He was hurt. He was even attacked on a school bus. And still… nothing was done. Until it was too late. His dad said: “I held him in my arms… something no father should ever have to do.” I can’t get that out of my head. This isn’t “kids being kids.” It’s cruelty. And it’s failure from the adults who were meant to protect him. Bullying has no place in any school. None. And yet here we are. How many more kids have to be pushed to this point before something actually changes? PLEASE SHARE AND MAKE SAMMY’S STORY VIRAL SO NO ONE HAS TO SUFFER LIKE HE DID. 🙏 END BULLYING, BECAUSE IT KILLS!

@TouchlineX @Telegraph Austrian as well......

🚨 𝗡𝗘𝗪: Adolf Hütter is a SERIOUS option for Tottenham if Igor Tudor is sacked. — @Telegraph

@haslienstheory @AVFCOfficial If I was to get a season ticket at Pittodrir in the early bird scheme my price would be £24 per game for me and my daughter U12 would get a free season ticket.

@johnnychick @AVFCOfficial Our season tickets cost per game is £38 adult and £18 under 18. We sit in the North stand lower. Not a bad view all things considered but the stand is dated leg room if you sit down is appalling. Parking is £10. We get food from one of the takeaways locally or the Tescos

Aston Villa can confirm ticket details for our UEFA Europa League quarter-final second leg against Bologna ⬇️

@haslienstheory @AVFCOfficial What's the average cost for you and your son to go to a league game. I'm a Villa fan from Brum but now living in Aberdeenshire. I can take my daughter to an Aberdeen game at a cost of around £35/40 depending on opponents and where we sit. Quality can be varied but she likes it.

@AVFCOfficial The appeal of attending this game is rapidly diminishing for me and my son. Ticket prices are ridiculous and our journey yesterday from Leamington took two hours. Lots of usual season ticket holders not there last night. The club clearly wants day trippers there.

@terrylee1414 @Booteful_Game @talkSPORT What trophy do you get for finishing top of the UCL League Stage? As for the Premier league You know if City, Liverpool or even Chelsea had been on it this year you wouldn't have a chance. So I will say once again..... ARE YOU LEICESTER IN DISGUISE?

@johnnychick @Booteful_Game @talkSPORT Yeah tell yourself that you thick cunt liveroool were the shitiest team to win the league last season . You want to make excuses for us being top of the UCl as well . Sad cunt

Bold remark. 😬

@terrylee1414 @Booteful_Game @talkSPORT We have our three best players out injured..... Basically our entire first choice midfield..... Truth is it's taken Liverpool and City to be below par for you to win the league (if you do). You're basically 2015/16 Leicester City at this point.

@johnnychick @Booteful_Game @talkSPORT You’ve been found out with that fucking fraud .. he only ever wants to win against us to prove a point . One stage you was three points behind us loom at you now biggest bottlers in the league right now .

@terrylee1414 @Booteful_Game @talkSPORT You spunked a quarter of a billion on players at the start of the season. Plus you never had your entire midfield out at the same time for an extended period.

@johnnychick @Booteful_Game @talkSPORT If you knew the injuries we had beginning of the season you would ask cunty questions .. you’re shit

@Booteful_Game @talkSPORT Imagine Arsenal had lost their 3 most consistent performers in January. Plus even though we are on a bad run we are still 6pts better off than last season. We just need someone to start scoring goals. At the moment we have a top 4 defence and mid table attack

@talkSPORT She doesn't know ball! If he had had the money United had to spend since he joined Villa, he would have won the league by now. He might have even won the league this year if our trio of midfielders hadn't wiped out. #AVFC

@LifeOfBoch Ronnie Rosenthal and Yossi Benayoun

Gun to your head, name two players from Israel 🇮🇱 that played in the English Premier League.

@the_medeek @tirvo_ Ricardo not Fabio

@tirvo_ Fabio Carvalho

Name the football player Level: HARD

@samuelmiller64 @MrPitbull07 Get a job where your boss pays you properly. Not my job to subsidise the servers wages.

@MrPitbull07 People who don’t tip are cheap-ass ghetto deadbeats.

IF YOU CAN’T AFFORD TO TIP, YOU CAN’T AFFORD TO EAT OUT… This restaurant automatically added an 18% service charge to my bill. Some people will be mad about that… I’m not. Because that “tip” isn’t extra, it’s rent money, it’s groceries, it’s what puts food on the table for their family while they’re serving food to yours. So next time you want to argue over a few dollars, remember this: your kindness is someone else’s paycheck. Credit: Patricia via FB

@MrPitbull07 It's the restaurant owners getting away with paying staff a pittance.

@TifeRMFC Rashford

Fuck me Dave #tippingpoint

Massive cheer heard from Dave's neighbours on hearing he's moving to Spain #tippingpoint

Dave should be muted when it's not his turn #tippingpoint