Jon Pinder

Fuck’s sake Eileen come on

@david8hughes 😂

@jonpinder3 Spinning back head flick and it’s lights over

Connor O’Gregor would never agree to a fight with me because he knows I would batter him like a pound of biscuits in a cookery shop. I’d throw a right hand punch at his face and he wouldn’t see it coming, he’d be like “what’s that coming at me faster than a speeding squirrel”

@david8hughes Mate I would absolutely batter Des O’Connor

If Dana White said to me “will you fight Conner o’greggor for $300?” I would take the fight. I don’t need the $300, I already have that. I would just do it because I’m born to win baby and I like to have my shirt off

sometimes i say "facts" after not really listening

@ghostpeppapigg 😂

are the people of Hawaii mad at the shit white people have put the Ukulele through?

@ThatEricAlper m.youtube.com/watch?v=gVgLTi…

@MikeGStein Wachine Machine to the tune of Blondie’s Denis

Guy on FB has gone through life thinking it’s a ‘wachine machine’ and I don’t have the heart to correct him

Wishing prince philip a speedy recovery

We always end up saying goodbye to em on the internet just slightly after they die hey. ‘Farewell prince ph- Ahhh shit just missed him fuckinell’

Boat shoes? How a boat shoe fuck off

Me: are you sure? Wife: it’s definitely “da” Me: I’ve been saying “the” all this time Wife: yeah it’s Leonardo da Vinci

Going to a therapist and a psychic, therapist tells me what to do and then I go to the psychic to check if I end up doing those things

@SimoneSpringer Yes

Pound town is somewhere in the UK right?

@DeanClairs Memoirs coming along nicely x

As I walked away from a suburban cafe late this morning I took a sip of the coffee I’d been thinking about since I got up for work at 3.45am I waited 8 hours for a mouthful of cappuccino,complete with curdled almond milk😮

Listening to my daughter belting out Katy Perry’s ‘Roar’ and feeling empowered on her behalf and singing the backing vocals in support of whatever adversity this six year old might be overcoming. Proper father-daughter flex. 👁 🐅

Spice Up Your Life is a banger innit

Cleanliness is next to godliness. Omnipotent cunce love a bubble bath

How dare you be good at parkour and not fight crime