The Jubes.

“How am I supposed to meet people without apps?” One way is to build a tribe around a common interest. A couple years ago I needed to rebuild my social scene and noticed a new volleyball court had opened in my neighborhood and offered leagues each night of the week. I signed up to play on 4 different teams on 4 different nights and socialized as hard as I played. Over the next several weeks, I kept an eye out for anyone who was especially good, or cool, or… you know… hot--and invited them to play on my “all star team”. At the end of the first season, I’d pieced together a team from handpicked members of the original 4. Then I repeated the same process the next season. The core team has now been playing together for almost 2 years. Along the way people found common interests, allied themselves with one another, partied together, got laid, dated, and--most importantly--became friends. This playbook can be modified and deployed effectively in many ways: sports, chess/book clubs, tutoring/charity work, artistic pursuits. Anything that you’re solidly above average at, you can use as a conduit to bring people together. There are many advantages this has over an endless cycle of dating app interactions which flame out the moment someone decides they have a better option. Here’s a pretty table to compare: Much of differentiating yourself in the world involves going against the tide of what everyone else is doing. Faking how cool you are in a handful of pictures on an app is easy. Everyone does that. Having an app on your phone has become an anti-status signal. You can boost your standing in the world simply by deleting Hinge. Getting people together in person on a regular basis takes actual skill. To do it well, you need to be able to: • See beyond the surface • Accelerate past small talk • Spark interest • Persuade • Take risks • Know when to press the issue • Know when to let it go • Act in accordance w the good of the tribe You can’t fake your way through this. The ability to bring people together is a real signal. But results aside, tribe-building is a worthy pursuit in itself. By attempting to do it well, you will improve yourself regardless of what happens. The world is rife with opportunities to build tribes. Everything has become so hyper-individualistic, people are constantly starved for organic community. Women are hungry for men who focus on providing long-term, sustainable relationships rather than incessantly looking for their next ego prop in a never-ending race to the bottom. Humans are designed to exist in tribes. A lot of the stress, anxiety, and unfulfilled longings that the average person struggles with melt away when they have a core group with a meaningful role in it. A tribe is the foundation from which many other good things flow. Build well and it will all come back to you.