Kabouter1981⚡️ retweetledi
Dear friend (who thinks I’m unkind - or even homophobic),
Remember how much we loved Boy George and Marilyn when we were growing up? Our parents weren’t thrilled by men in make-up and dresses - but we thought they were cool. They were expressing individuality and challenging rigid gender stereotypes.
You and I both grew up supporting gay rights for a simple reason: people shouldn’t be punished, excluded or shamed for who they love.
That belief hasn’t changed.
But being gay, lesbian or bisexual is about who you’re attracted to. Gender identity is about how someone understands or describes themselves.
Those are not the same thing. And treating them as if they are puts women and girls at risk.
Here’s the crucial difference.
Many of the pop stars we grew up with played with gender expression - flamboyant clothes, make-up, theatrical performance. David Bowie made a whole art form out of it.
But we still understood they were men - and so did they.
They weren’t demanding entry to women’s spaces.
They weren’t claiming women’s awards or competing in women’s sporting categories.
And women weren’t being forced to agree that the man standing in front of them was a woman - or risk social or professional consequences.
We both have daughters now - young women just starting their adult lives. I’ve taught mine that no means no and I’m sure you’ve taught yours the same.
But that message becomes meaningless if our girls are also being told they must say “yes” to any man who says he’s a woman - even when their instincts say otherwise.
If a girl isn’t interested in make-up or stereotypically feminine things, she may be told she’s actually a man - rather than simply a strong, independent young woman who dresses and behaves as she pleases.
And if she’s same-sex attracted, she may face pressure from men who identify as “lesbians” and expect access to her spaces - and her body - something we'd never have accepted as progressive or 'kind' when we were younger.
Single-sex spaces - toilets, changing rooms, hospital wards, refuges, prisons - exist because women need them. Not because all men are dangerous, but because male violence is a reality and sex-based boundaries reduce risk.
Women cannot know which men pose a threat and which don’t.
That’s why all must stay out of women's spaces. Good men understand this - without question.
I know you want to be kind. So do I.
But kindness isn’t asking women and girls to surrender their privacy, dignity or safety in order to prove they’re “tolerant”.
Or calling them 'homophobic' or bigoted for saying no.
With love,
Janet
English
