KennyCapozzi

He’s funny huh? Just wait. @DougStanhope @theroaddogmovie

@uusaint The root problem is birth.

In six words or fewer, write a story about this picture. 👀 #WritingCommunity #sixwordstory #amwriting #ChallengeAccepted #ThursdayMood

@kimberlycongdon But what if he had one foot?

@steak_jones People have died from just water

Has anyone ever died from Just beer?

@steak_jones Get off the shit kid

I’m worried the US government is putting microchips in fridges to spy on its citizens “Siri, look up, ‘is my fridge listening to me?”

@justsarahmartin I’m just glad they’re pee while driving friendly

Dear makers of Gatorade, we get it you're huge, everyone else has bottle envy. Now please design a 28oz bottle that fits in a cup holder.

@KnightlyKevin Humblebrag

@mikerecine As long as it’s mortadella with the sliced pistachios

I hate Paulie and Christopher. The best character was Furio’s uncle. The hottest character was Charmaine Bucco. Mortadella is the best cold cut.

@joshgondelman He’s a good kid. He’d always say hi to your mother.

@kennycap I’ve got to check this out!

Now available! Limited Edition Kowloon Sneakers! In partnership with local artist "Sway from blueswaydshoes". Hand painted collectors’s item! Only 100 will be produced of this First Inaugural Design! These are pre-orders. Order Online at Kowloonrestaurant.com

@joshgondelman They’re not Kowloon’s but native East Bostonian David Sab One Forlizzi does way better shit. sabone.bigcartel.com/products?page=…

$500 THOUGH????

@Pingtr1p @joerogan @Shanemgillis @marknorm @SkepticTankPod Tremendous Lee kick that mule!

.@joerogan gets upset when @Shanemgillis tells a very boring story w/ @marknorm and Ari Shaffir @SkepticTankPod

@steak_jones They got one in the liquor store in Brockton. I saw an old lady using it and I gotta say the writers are on drugs this season.

I just saw a “Bitcoin ATM” What’s it filled with? Empty Promises from Matt Damon?

@steak_jones Get the strap

Valentine’s Day was invented by dildo companies to sell more dildos

“Comedy should be dangerous.” Is what I tell myself every time I drive home hammered after a set.

I had so many shots of Dr. McGillicuddy’s that my butthole feels minty fresh.

@AmamahSardar Unless it’s drugs

@logieobie But did you cum though?

@OverweightChamp Tighten up Timmy

@TonyTellJoke How dare you talk about Bukowski in that tone!

I'm not bothered by the $10k student loan relief. Taxes have gone to far worse places than your degree in lesbian poetry. #studentloanforgiveness

@izzydarosa Acid is way better but shrooms are still fun.