KMF

@AG_MackanB @Itshaber @The_Forty_Four Clearly a straight red for the first offence (which was actually a couple of offences)

@Itshaber @The_Forty_Four I think ref did perfect, no over react and sent off at the right time!

What is wrong with this guy?😂😂😂 Please watch all 2 minutes of this embarrassment😭😭😭

@ColeFusionHQ The ex footballer Fitz Hall was nicknamed "One Size"

British nicknames are an unregulated industry. a 5'6 tradesman called Anthony is professionally known as Shetland Tony. a man who lost an eye is called Keth. a quiet man wore a yellow jumper once and became Mumblebee. what's the best nickname you've ever heard

@NoContextCounty Sir Garfield Sobers

Who is, in your opinion, the greatest cricketer of all time?

@BumbleCricket Apparently, my mother and he nearly married but she met my father and preferred him, eventually leading to me! Though my dad loved cricket, Don S was a better cricketer.

Don Shepherd

@HumanityChad Jogged????

At a red light, he noticed a woman's wallet sitting on top of her car... he grabbed the wallet, and jogged up to her window to hand it back.

@jackandloz ".....we’ve crashed and Bernd...." Brilliant!

There’s been fighting talk but the only focus on Europe was players planning to holiday in Spain now Dubai is out But then it all changed. A very united team, the #Fulham Badgers & singing “You’re going down with the Tottenham” Our blog on #FFC vBFC #COYW werdsmith.com/p/qags4ERYhF8n…

@AyaJetman @MediocreJoker85 How to kill a joke in a few minutes.

@MediocreJoker85 The real question is how the rabbit is talking

A game show host is talking to a rabbit. The host looks at his question card. “Okay, here’s your first question: What is 7 plus 5?” “Twelve,” replied the rabbit. “That’s correct! Now for question two: What is 56 minus 37?” The rabbit thought for a moment. “Nineteen.” “That’s correct! Okay, now here’s your grand prize question: How much is 1,297 times 142?” Without skipping a beat, the rabbit immediately replied, “184,174. What else?” The host is shocked. “That’s correct! But tell me… how did you get the final answer so fast?” The rabbit grinned. “Oh, that’s easy. If there’s one thing us rabbits can do, it’s multiply.”

@ConnorHugh26 That day (I was there) some silly Fulham kids ran on the pitch towards the Putney end. Some Chelsea fans then got on the pitch and walked towards them. All silly.

This is why people who say it isn’t a rivalry are fucking idiots. This and the cup semi a few years before you could tell proper Chelsea fans fucking hated losing to us. That day cemented me despising Chelsea as a very small child.

@floboflo It's so much better without all those Beefeaters getting in the way with their funny costumes and their pikes, and pearly Kings and Queens obstructing the highway with their knees ups.

When I first came to London you’d see traditional greasy spoon caffs selling bacon rolls to cheery little cockneys, proper hard blokes handing out the Evening Standard with a cheeky wink, Beefeaters on every corner and a pianist on the street corner playing Roll Out The Barrel. Not now though. My eyes are glued to my phone reading posts by grifters about how shit London is now because of Muslims and I miss everything. They have to ruin everything don’t they?

@Mikeliberation What did she sing?

My neighbor’s wife moans very loudly during s£x. They live on the ground floor, so if you pass by their window, you can clearly hear her. This usually happens around 7:30 p.m., when children are still playing around the building. So I gathered the courage, called the husband aside, and spoke to him man-to-man about it. He thanked me and left. This morning, I saw his wife with a frown on her face. I greeted her, but she didn’t respond, she started singing instead. Honestly, my main concern is the children. As adults, we can ignore it, but it’s not something kids should be exposed to.

@daibach23 You're a few weeks early for diwrnod y ffŵl Ebrill

Friends and family, it is getting warmer and you may be tempted to go walking in the beautiful Welsh countryside. So, please be careful where you put your feet because these little fellows have now hatched and may be hiding in the grass and you really do not want to upset their mum or dad.

@SandyofSuffolk @b_donc Of course it's Reform. Btw where do you get the idea that the Big Issue is/was for Brits only?

@b_donc I'll see you on Monday at the Reform rally in Ipswich, Bernie.

The Big Issue sellers I see in Woodbridge and Felixstowe are the same two Romanian women who've been standing in the same place flogging their magazine for about a decade. I heard the one in Woodbridge telling a daft white old liberal woman who gave her 20 quid that she has 4 kids and they live in a large rental property in Ipswich. The youngest has anxiety apparently. 🙄 Now I'm old enough to remember when Big Issue sellers were homeless British people. When did it become a job choice for foreigners in large houses that I presume we help to pay rent for, who shouldn't even be here because they have no actual skills we need? When? Why?

@HannahIamthest1 I usually have my referee's whistle to hand, speaking quietly I ask them to listen to me caefully then let them have full blast.

I love scam phone calls. I pretend I’m an old Yorkshire lad, desperate to pay them. My record’s an hour. I kept putting them on hold to “check my wallet,” yelling at my cat, and asking if they could speak up because my hearing aid was acting up. Then I spent 30 minutes reading my card details wrong… real slow. At one point, I told them my kitchen was on fire Great fun 😆

@MrBrum43 How old are you? Still on slushpuppies?

Guinness tastes like crap and is only drunk by “look at me I’m so trendy cunts” Always has been, always will be. Tastes. Like. Crap. #bcfc #guinness

@puck1879 Italian rose and pork pies? No, no, no, no.

I knw Fulham are massive. But no need to start copying #ffc

@ballsdotie I've seen more agression at the Sunday morning U7s training.

It really kicked off in the Ulster Senior Cup final today. Campbell College would win 26-22 with a try in the last minute of the game.

@AidanFulham There are exercises you can do to recover from your memory failings.

@Ikennect Pretentious tosh.

For your enjoyment😂I hope you smile Today I was in a shoe store that sells only shoes, nothing else. A young girl with a tattoo and green hair walked over to me and asked, "What brings you in today, I looked at her and said, "I'm interested in buying a refrigerator." She didn't quite know how to respond, had that deer in the headlights look. I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it. When people see a cat's litter box they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat" I just say, "No, it's for company!" Employment application blanks always ask who is to be called in case of an emergency. I think you should write, "An ambulance." The older you get the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. Have you ever noticed: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL. The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he knows when he's really in trouble. Did you ever notice that when you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "Theirs" Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. Some people try to turn back their "odometers." Not me. I want people to know why I look this way. I've traveled a long way and a lot of the roads were not paved. Ah! Being young is beautiful but being old is comfortable. Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth. May you always have: Love to share, Cash to spare, Tires with air, And friends who care.😂😂😂

@UnscriptedFooty Classy.

🚨Phil Foden’s Dating History - 2019 — Rebecca Cooke🇬🇧 (18) - 2020 — Rebecca Cooke🇬🇧 (19) - 2021 — Rebecca Cooke 🇬🇧 (20) - 2022 — Rebecca Cooke 🇬🇧 (21) - 2023 — Rebecca Cooke 🇬🇧 (22) - 2024 — Rebecca Cooke 🇬🇧 (23)....𝗦𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲

@HeTalksRugby Joburg- the only airport I've been to where there was (10 yrs ago anyway) a room next to the men's loo where there was a sign saying "Leave your guns here".

Doing a bit of recon ahead of heading to South Africa in July for the Boks England game, it's absolutely bonkers that I can get a 4* hotel in central Johannesburg for 3 nights paying £140 LESS overall than one night in a 3* box room in Cardiff for when we play Wales next March! Bonkers!