krispy

I’m visiting my grandpa right now on his literal deathbed and I asked him if he’s ever smoked pot. He said “more times than I have fingers and toes…. and coke too”

me: what could i have done in my past to deserve this karma me during the mesozoic era:

in honor of final destination week… the BEST deaths in the final destination franchise: a thread

knuckle tattoos that say BOBD YLAN

we are all just girls

loading Sims 2 up for the first time in a decade and still knowing all the cheats

*walking up to the librarian* excuse me, books on becoming a beast? books on going from man to beast?

john carpenters the thang

HE DID IT

*first day as a surgeon* ew ew ew ew

[Guy who’s never experienced wind] Bro something’s touching me but I can’t see it Bro

rest in peace, king

@proletarat one of my elderly regulars comes in twice a day, morning and afternoon, to get an ~extra hot, double cupped, two pumps of caramel latte~ for his wife. this could never be Bill!!

Just crashed my car

one time I got lost in the woods hiking with my mom and sister and when the rescue people found us my mom was topless because she burned her shirt for a torch 🥴

playing the sims and using the heat from my laptop to help my cramps~ so girl coded

can you imagine how incredible it must feel to have six hundred dollars

If you think Timothée Chalamet sounds bad singing songs as Bob Dylan, wait till you hear what Bob Dylan sounds like