Kris P. Kreme

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Kris P. Kreme

Kris P. Kreme

@krisv_723

I played a corpse on my honeymoon. Header by @bucmarvin #autismmom💙 https://t.co/4DLR5ox4PD

2nd Star to the right Katılım Eylül 2015
7.9K Takip Edilen32.1K Takipçiler
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Kris P. Kreme
Kris P. Kreme@krisv_723·
My dad’s favorite ride is the Gravitron, so I decided to take him for a spin. It was all going well until the lid popped off his urn.
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Ghostface Kryllah
Ghostface Kryllah@kryzazzy·
I don’t mean to sound braggy, but I’m pretty sure I would have been a candidate for a lobotomy in the 1950s
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Bö Jänke: Hönkÿ
Bö Jänke: Hönkÿ@Bob_Janke·
I've just been appointed El Presidente of Venezuela
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The Real Rodney Lacroix
The Real Rodney Lacroix@RealRodLacroix·
I stay up as late as possible on Sunday nights because thee is no reason Monday has to get here quicker.
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sixfootcandy
sixfootcandy@sixfootcandy·
Sometimes I look at my husband and think, “Wow. That’s the person I chose to argue with about dryer lint for the rest of my life.”
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Bö Jänke: Hönkÿ
Bö Jänke: Hönkÿ@Bob_Janke·
If there's one thing I've learned to make life easier is to just be quiet and listen. Listen to what people are saying. And the staring. Stare hard and long. Really get creepy. Listening and staring, that's the secret
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Bö Jänke: Hönkÿ
Bö Jänke: Hönkÿ@Bob_Janke·
Being a wolfman doesn't sound so bad it's only once a month
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Stephen King
Stephen King@StephenKing·
What’s the difference between Trump’s cabinet and a cactus? With a cactus, all the pricks are on the outside. Thank you, I’ll be here all week. Don’t forget to tip your waitress.
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Bö Jänke: Hönkÿ
Bö Jänke: Hönkÿ@Bob_Janke·
The only thing that keeps me coming back here is the thought that one of you that I interact with is actually a retired, millionaire ex-Dallas Cowboys cheerleader, that's now a private detective or something and your using an anonymous account to try to get with me
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Tim Walz
Tim Walz@Tim_Walz·
Elon Musk is a terrible president.
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Bö Jänke: Hönkÿ
Bö Jänke: Hönkÿ@Bob_Janke·
I have a Bigfoot locked in my garage. He keeps saying he's the mailman but we all know how they lie
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Bö Jänke: Hönkÿ
Bö Jänke: Hönkÿ@Bob_Janke·
I have an idea
Bö Jänke: Hönkÿ tweet media
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sixfootcandy
sixfootcandy@sixfootcandy·
Stepping in dog poop with bare feet isn’t so bad—especially when it’s my husband, and I get to watch.
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Bö Jänke: Hönkÿ
Bö Jänke: Hönkÿ@Bob_Janke·
I'm so sick I had toast for breakfast. I feel like I'm Angela Lansbury or something
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Sooz
Sooz@CruisinSoozan·
Chubby weird girls with nice boobs and a sense of humour are important to the ecosystem.
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Bö Jänke: Hönkÿ
Bö Jänke: Hönkÿ@Bob_Janke·
Starting a motorcycle gang called The Super Best Friends
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Stabbatha Christy
Stabbatha Christy@LoveNLunchmeat·
Close female friendships are great because you get to take turns acting crazy.
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sixfootcandy
sixfootcandy@sixfootcandy·
Brain: That cookie is hot. Me: Like lava hot. Brain: Let it cool down. Me: Agreed. Brain: But… it’s right there… and you’re an adult who makes poor decisions. Me: Also true.
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Stabbatha Christy
Stabbatha Christy@LoveNLunchmeat·
There are tons of people who can't wait to tell you to be kind, but I'm here to remind you that sometimes people don't really deserve your kindness, and that's okay too.
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Bö Jänke: Hönkÿ
Bö Jänke: Hönkÿ@Bob_Janke·
I hope women get drafted because I think they look good in uniforms
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