The Real Rodney Lacroix

[Bath & Body Works] Me: I need a bottle of body lotion for my wife. Clerk: These are Buy 3 Get 1 Free. Me: I just need this one here. Clerk: That's not Buy 3 Get 1 but it IS Buy 1 Get 2 and if you buy this it's Buy 2 Get 3 Free. Me [leaving with 300 bottles]: how did this happen

If my story about today was a children’s book it would be Rodney & The Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Hemorrhoid.

Never once in my entire life have I remembered whether it's going to be Labor Day or Memorial Day . I'm convinced they switch places sometimes.

To everyone who wrote “stay cool” in my middle school yearbook, I have some devastating news

I don't want to sound controversial, but having Monday off is great, we should do this every week

My “Not in the mood for this shit” meter is at DEFCON 1 today.

My son has a job interview at a liquor store and I hope he gets it because I could really use the Friends and Family Discount.

I'm not saying I don't take care of my lawn, I'm just saying my lawnmower is basically a weed-whacker on wheels.

Job postings are always like, "Do you want to work in a FAST-PACED and HIGH PRESSURE environment?!" What? No. Not at all.

I didn't think the gummy hit until I realized I was petting a bag of clothes on the couch that I thought was my dog.

Dear women, when you’re not around we load the dishwasher perfectly.

@SerafinaAugusta Soon. Soon.

@RealRodLacroix Read this as "wife and I are MAKING movies today" 😳

Wife and I are going to the movies today in case you see an older couple making out in the back row.

@JohnnyBruce1970 8

@RealRodLacroix what would you rate it out of 10?

Just saw “Obsession.” Weird. Creepy. Off-putting, wtf-inducing, and terrifying all at the same time. Just like my foreplay.

@JohnnyBruce1970 Obsession.

@RealRodLacroix what are you going to see?

Beautiful evening out with the pup and my bride.

One year ago today, @RodTripTravel began. Now? 60 new clients, 200 trips booked, and enough vacations planned to make HR nervous. Seriously though… thank you to everyone who trusted me this past year! Ready for YOUR next trip? DM me!! Facebook.com/RodTripAdventu…

Walking the dog and I hear a car approaching from behind us with music blaring. It’s my wife. Windows down, radio cranked. The song? “Don’t Put Bananas in My Butt.” My god I love her so much.

Day off. Refreshments. Deck. Ahhhh.

Me [walking out of the bathroom]: Don't go in there. Wife: [already passed out from fumes]