Coach

don't ask me for relationship advice bc i'll tell you to kill him

You ruined the plot

if she talks shit about you on twitter you’re the one

no revenge just hope you meet someone exactly like you

Keeping tabs on me when you burned the bridge is crazyyy

I frequently get zamboni and gazebo confused

Getting called “jalens little sister” at the bars til the day i die

A love letter

maybe the problem is that i’m cooler than any man i’ve ever met

My coworkers have been calling me by my government name all night. Get me out of here.

"You dodged a bullet" Actually the bullet went straight through me & killed a part me forever, but thanks though

Sharing cookies with my niece while she’s supposed to be napping.

@_mckrill Marry him (he just lovebombed you)

For the rest of your life youre gonna stare at me from across any room we’re in at the same time

Told my fav regular my vape died, he gave me a zyn. Then paid his tab and came back with a vape for me.

I love finding out ppl are evil

“You should smile” Give me $50 and i’ll smile rn (A bartender’s story)

Orange tea, red tea, white tea, green tea