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learned handjob

@libhouseplant

bad guy 🌝

Katılım Nisan 2020
131 Takip Edilen720 Takipçiler
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learned handjob
learned handjob@libhouseplant·
Everyone online recommends haircuts for round faces that downplay the roundness, but this is a lie told by the foot faced Sarah Jessica Parker lookin ass lobby. Round faces are youthful, which is why I am out here looking like the Moon 🌝
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learned handjob
learned handjob@libhouseplant·
I have *bravely* stopped proofreading internal emails. Just doesn’t feel like a good use of client time tbh. That’s just the kind of lawyer I am. I really value the client’s hard-earned money, ill gotten or otherwise!
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learned handjob
learned handjob@libhouseplant·
@AmericanAir I was so sleepy and caught off guard and apparently hate myself so I said “yeah whatever” and now they’re behind me happily yapping away like it’s not the middle of the night. I hate the disingenuous freaks that surround us right now. But most of all I hate @AmericanAir
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learned handjob
learned handjob@libhouseplant·
@AmericanAir Like first of all, you’re a loser. Second of all, everyone knows the front seat fucking sucks because you can’t have your bag with you. So don’t try to play in my face acting like you’re doing this out of the goodness of your heart
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learned handjob
learned handjob@libhouseplant·
I HATE when people ask you for a favor, but instead of just asking for a favor they frame it as THEM doing YOU a favor.
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learned handjob
learned handjob@libhouseplant·
I am once again crying on an airplane
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learned handjob retweetledi
Mamello🧚🏽‍♀️
Mamello🧚🏽‍♀️@MelloFelicia1·
“hey, do you have a second to hop on a quick call”
Mamello🧚🏽‍♀️ tweet media
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sophie
sophie@netcapgirl·
they should invent a 3-5pm that doesn’t make you want to kill yourself
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betteroffalone420
betteroffalone420@SinclairMonaco·
Dudes be like I need to make this extremely beautiful woman my gf so I can ignore her needs and not even be that nice to her
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Sorel’s Pistol
Sorel’s Pistol@NaturalRightFan·
In France, a Platonic friendship with a woman is considered a far graver form of infidelity than a sexual affair because the French are a civilized people who understand that Platonic love is a higher form of love than mere worship of the flesh
Globe Eye News@GlobeEyeNews

Emmanuel Macron reportedly maintained a platonic relationship with Iranian actress Golshifteh Farahani for several months, which allegedly led to Brigitte Macron slapping him.

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𝒢𝒾𝓁𝒷ℯ𝓇𝓉
𝒢𝒾𝓁𝒷ℯ𝓇𝓉@AbakpaJob·
In fairness to Jesus, "One of you will betray me" is a great dinner party conversation opener.
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Organizermemes
Organizermemes@OrganizerMemes·
Dc not allowing Waymo for safety reasons is insane when there's no ban on Maryland drivers
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learned handjob
learned handjob@libhouseplant·
I do fear that I am sacrificing my (the?) dream (husband, kids, homeownership, family peace) to my destiny (men are transient blips in my otherwise harem-esque life, money but rents apartment, grey haired but otherwise hot criminal trial lawyer, perpetual red lining)
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Keşfet

@AmericanAir @elonmusk @BarackObama @taylorswift13 @cristiano @BillGates @NASA @nikifrancismediavine